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Probe into long-term health effects of reality TV
11 Jan 2004 by Victor Hatchett
The new television regulator, Ofcom, has launched a probe into the long-term effects of watching "reality" television after receiving complaints from several viewers this week. The viewers wrote in to report that they had suffered dizziness, nausea, hallucinations and complete loss of consciousness as a result of watching the shows. More alarmingly, two viewers reported that they had found themselves becoming obsessively interested in toenail clippings and belly button fluff after watching the latest show, "Bored To Death", produced by Endemol.
The Channel 4 show, in which contestants compete for a jackpot of £70,000 in two-pence pieces, has been hailed as a masterpiece of reality TV by residents of Hull. The contestants have thus far spent one week competing with each other to discuss the most boring things possible in an attempt to knock each other out of the show. Topics have ranged from discussions about the ideal colour and texture for bath-towels to various brands of filing cabinets. The lengthiest discussion so far has revolved around how best to dispose of chewing gum, and what to do if you find some stuck in your teeth. This four-hour debate memorably left Contestant Kate screaming to be released from the competition.
Fans of the remaining contestants have criticized Kate for being "too provocative" in her assertion that using a toothpick to remove the offending gum was the best way to deal with it. The majority of viewers seem to hope that Richard from Southampton will win.
"He's just so utterly boring and mediocre," gushed one female teenage fan. "He really deserves to win. I have already written him several love letters and proposed by scrawling on a pair of my knickers and chucking them into the show." The "knicker-bomb" incident caused some concern among producers, and calls for security at the show to be tightened.
Meanwhile, talent scouts are already preparing for Richard's release form the show. Following the gargling competition, in which Richard displayed "an amazing tonal range", several agents are said to be interested in providing him with a lucrative three-record deal.
Endemol, which amassed a fortune in the manufacture of suppositories before turning its attention to television, defends its shows as "informative experiments" and says that it has big plans for its next show, "Reality TV". Details are closely guarded, but one insider said that the show is likely to involve twelve contestants watching reality TV for hours on end whilst trying to perform basic tasks such as making a cup of tea, answering the phone and holding a conversation. In a twist to the usual format, however, the winner will be the contestant who fails to achieve any of these tasks.
In response to the Ofcom probe, Endemol is adamant that losing consciousness is not actually bad for viewers. Channel 4, meanwhile, is planning a "Top 100 Reality TV shows" programme next month, in response to criticism that it doesn't actually have anything worth watching on its schedule.
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