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Public advised not to put salmon under armpits
12 Jan 2004 by Flash Gorman
A spokesman from the Department of Health Scares has advised the public to think twice before clenching salmon under their armpits as it may make them ill. The spokesman indicated that the problem is mainly to do with farmed salmon but hinted that salmon living in the city may also be an issue.
The salmon industry immediately hit back at the claims. The President of the Salmon Producer's Guild, Douglas Ramsbottom, paraded his young daughter in front of the media with a salmon firmly wedged under each arm.
"My family have always put salmon under our armpits and it's never done us any harm," said a clearly exasperated Mr Ramsbottom. "Apart from the dizzy spells, eccentric walks and poor dress sense, obviously."
There was, however, some good news for the salmon industry today with the Health Scare Department saying that it will have moved on to another target, possibly cotton, by the end of the week. Unfortunately for the salmon industry, though, the Department has not ruled out returning to salmon scares later in the year "if it's quiet week".
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