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Catholic Church to re-categorise rumpy-pumpy
13 Jan 2004 by Joe Dent
The Catholic Church is to re-categorise rumpy-pumpy, declaring it a virtue rather than a vice. The move comes after Professor Simon Blackburn of Cambridge University thought deeply about the vice and came to the conclusion that it wasn't so bad after all. The philosopher, best known for his work on rude things, is said to be pleased with the Church's decision.
Cardinal Douglas Ramsbottom, a senior theologian at the Vatican, told DeadBrain that the Church had not made a snap decision based solely on Professor Blackburn's findings. "We too have been thinking hard about rumpy-pumpy. Our top men have spent a considerable amount of time investigating it. Our conclusions happen to coincide with those of the Professor."
Cardinal Ramsbottom went on to sound a note of caution. "We have removed rumpy-pumpy from our list of vices. Hanky-panky, however, remains forbidden. It is possible that this situation may change at some point in the future. Our top men are looking into it."
Meanwhile, the Reverend Dr Ian Paisley, who heard the news on Sunday while protesting against rugby at Ravenhill said, "Rumpy-pumpy, hanky-panky, a bit of the other – damnation to the fiery pits of hell for all who partake in these unholy, God-forbidden, satanic vices!"
It is not yet clear whether he supports the Church's move.
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Wow, look at this!
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