|News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Prince Charles|
|You are hovering over: Home > News||21st May|
Michael Howard to have cosmetic surgery
18 Jan 2004 by Brian ClarkeThe Conservative Party leader, Michael Howard, is to undergo cosmetic surgery, it was revealed today. He will be admitted to a hospital in Los Angeles in order to receive hair implants. Private Conservative research has revealed a direct correlation between electoral success and the amount of hair on the head of their leader.
"We have calculated by looking at the hairlines of Duncan Smith, Hague, Major and Thatcher that each 1cm recession in the hair line translates exactly into twenty seven seats at a general election," said an unnamed, unmemorable member of the shadow cabinet.
Mr Howard, famous for walking backwards into meetings, is continuing the recent trend that has seen a long line of political leaders having cosmetic surgery. On Thursday it was confirmed that Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi has had an operation to make him look less like a gangster.
Last month John Prescott underwent a liposuction operation despite concerns that the disposal of Mr Prescott's fatty deposits would be at odds with the government's environmental policies. Photographs appeared in the press of the Deputy Prime Minister leaving a clinic with a couple of clinical waste sacks underneath the headline 'Two bags Prescott'.
During his monthly press conference Tony Blair was asked if he would ever consider having surgery to improve his looks. "Yeah right," the PM responded, running his fingers through his hair.
Charles Kennedy, a source has told DeadBrain, recently had a consultation with a Harley Street surgeon specialising in facial realignment. However, the Liberal Democrat leader decided not to opt for surgery as the full cost of an improvement to his appearance would have made his party bankrupt.
Conservative leader auditions for rock group "The Darkness"
2 Jan 2004
Country in total Tory denial
14 Nov 2003
Tories sack HQ in further reshuffle
13 Nov 2003
Howard plans further downsizing of Tory Party
12 Nov 2003
BBC to sue Howard over alleged Dr Who rip-off
11 Nov 2003