Dubya's Week: State of the Union

Sunday 18 Januerry
Can't figger this out, was watching Fox News and they had an interview with some doctor who said that he had put a clown embryo into a woman somewhere, wouldn't say where, where she is, I mean, not where he put it, don't want to think about that. What I can't figger is I know they can tell these days whether or not it will be a boy or a girl or whatever but how do they know it will be a clown, can they see big feet or a red nose or something?

Phoned Ashcroft and asked him if he knew anything about it. He said no, and as far as he knew there was only one clown around here. No idea who he meant, probably Powell.

Monday 19 Januerry
Had a bad dream during my afternoon nap, dreamt that a guy in a black suit and black cape and wearing a big black helmet was chasing me, and when he caught me he said George I am your father and you are really a demercrat, then he took his mask off and it was Howard Dean. Woke up shouting and a security guy rushed in and started shooting, shot a vase and put a couple of holes in the piano before I could say it's OK it was just a bad dream. I wish they wouldn't shoot so much, one guy winged the cat last week, now it walks funny and bites.

Couldn't figger out why Dean was on my mind until I remembered it was demercrat corcus day in Iowa. Anyway, it turned out that Dean came in third in the corcus, that'll learn him not to get in my dreams.

Toosday 20 Januerry
Big day today, State of the Union speech.

The Washington Post published a pole they done that said if the election was held today 48% would vote for me and 46% for the demercrat whoever it would be. Cheney phoned to say with numbers like that I'd better do a good job with the union speech, just stick to the script, don't say anything we haven't written down for you. They always tell me that, seems like they think if I spoke off the cuff I'd say something stupid.

Wanted to wear my flight suit and my Iraq campane medal for the speech, and maybe give it sitting on a tank, show I mean business, but Donny said no that's not appropriet, you can't take a tank into Congress. So I said couldn't I at least have a big US flag behind me like that Patton guy in that movie, and he said no I couldn't do that either, just stick to the script. Sheesh, who's president around here anyway?

Speech went pretty good. Menshuned terrorists lots of times, and 9/11 and Saddam and his weppons of mass destruction, and said that because of American leadership we're making the world safer, so that should pull in the votes, just menshun all these things and wave the flag and you can get away with anything. Suckers!

Wensday 21 Januerry
Some scientist has been going around saying he doesn't believe the North of Korea has made a nucular bomb, says he's seen their nucular fassility at YongBong or whatever it's called and there's no evidence they can make bombs. Well I know they can, and in only 45 minutes, and they got the harmonium for them from Africa. Dick Cheney told me so.

Thersday 22 Januerry
Obi-wan Jayboy, Prime Minister of China, phoned at 2 in the a of m to wish me happy new year, I said what do you mean it's the 22 of Januerry, wake up and smell the bacon. He said something about a bird flew in Asia, well whoopdedo I bet lots of birds flew in Asia and still do, no need to wake me up to tell me that. Them Chineese sure are wierd. Wonder if he was still smiling?

A guy from NASA phoned to say the Mars rover had broke, so I said did it find any weppons of mass destruction yet and he said what do you mean, it's just been looking at rocks. So I said, yeah, OK , I understand, you can't talk about it over the phone, by the way where's that space suit you guys promised me. He mumbled something about stupid, didn't quite catch what he meant, he must have been talking about the guy that built the thing, bet he was French, just like them to screw up. Then he hung up, the NASA guy, not the French one, I mean.

Saterday 24 Januerry
Day off.

Went bowling with Donny but hit him with a ball, knocked him over, it wasn't my fault, it slipped while I was throwing it, had ketchup on my hand from the hot dog. He said you did it on purpose because I'm beating you, and I said it was an accident, but he said no it wasn't, I'm going home before you do any more damage. So I said OK, go, but I'm going to stay and play with myself for a while. Couldn't understand why the security guys started laffing. They're wierder than the Chineese.