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| You smell better than: Home > News | 4th December |
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 USA censures Taiwan over its WMD programme29 Jan 2004 by Malcolm Drury
The US government has strongly censured Taiwan for its newly-uncovered Whales of Mass Destruction programme, saying it is likely to lead to destabilisation of the region and a possible strong counter-action from mainland China.
The Taiwanese WMD programme came to light when a dead sperm whale exploded while being delivered on an unmarked trailer to a research centre near the southwestern city of Tainan. There were no injuries caused by the explosion, but several passers-by and cars were soaked in blood and blubber, and whale body parts were sprayed over a wide area. CIA analysts believe the explosion was accidental, but acknowledge that they had hitherto been unaware of the Taiwanese WMD programme. One analyst, speaking on condition of anonymity, said that the whale appeared to have been a low-yield ground burst device, not capable of causing extensive damage, but certainly capable of causing widespread panic and confusion. But, he cautioned, an air-burst device of the same explosive potential would probably have caused much greater damage. He expressed concern at the possibility of terrorists using "dirty whales" - whales coated in radioactive dust or some other toxic substance - to render large urban areas uninhabitable. US Secretary of Offence Donald "Dr Strangelove" Rumsfeld told reporters at a hastily-convened press conference that he was greatly perturbed by the development, pointedly noting that the USA considered Taiwan to be an ally, but adding that the Bush administration was not prepared to allow the Taiwanese WMD programme to jeopardise US relations with China, whose Prime Minister, Wen Jiabao, recently visited Washington. He said that relations between the two great powers were currently very good, and the USA would not allow the Taiwanese action to interfere with it, ally or not. He said that he was particularly perturbed that Taiwan had not shared its whale technology with the USA, noting that the latter was well-known for sharing all its military secrets with its allies. He noted that in view of this recent development, the US now feels compelled to develop a whale weapons programme of its own. Asked if the USA would be approaching the United Nations for a debate on Taiwan's WMDs he replied simply "Yeah, right." Meanwhile, Koffi Annan, Secretary General of the UN, called for a moderate response from the USA and China, urging both sides not to rush into precipitous action until the full extent of Taiwan's whale arsenal could be ascertained. Related Articles "Royal" terror cell was active in Yorkshire, says US 13 Jan 2004 Bush orders pre-emptive strike against Yorkshire 12 Jan 2004 Bush identifies climate change as new terror threat 10 Jan 2004 Mixed reaction to new Civil Contingencies Bill 8 Jan 2004 US to require urine samples from visitors 7 Jan 2004
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