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Shock as man fails to enjoy Lord of the Rings film
30 Jan 2004 by Flash Gorman
The film world has been rocked by the revelation that someone failed to enjoy the new Lord of the Rings film, The Return of the King. Mr D Ramsbottom, 45, had seen the movie at a cinema in Romford with some colleagues from work. They were leaving the cinema, chattering excited about the excellence of the film, when Douglas stunned his workmates.
"I couldn't believe it," recounted Dave from the photocopier room. "There we were, having seen the best film ever and Douglas turns round and says it wasn't that good really. One of the women in our group fainted straight away and several of us dropped our popcorn. Luckily someone was able to call the police."
Armed police immediately surrounded the building and Mr Ramsbottom was taken to a secure unit where he has baffled physiologists ever since.
"It's a fascinating puzzle," explained Chief Head Shrinker, Dr Thomas. "Here we have what is quite clearly the greatest film ever made, yet this man claims not to have enjoyed it. He makes bizarre claims that it wasn't a patch on the book and insists that the hobbits weren't hairy enough."
"We been using all the normal psychology stuff on him but quite frankly we're getting nowhere. We're hopeful that we may make some headway by removing pieces of his brain – though currently we've run into some legal red tape with that."
Dr Thomas hopes that unlocking this mystery will prove a breakthrough in film technology. "If we can understand why only one person hates a film then we may be able to work out how films are made that only one person enjoys."
The project has already received a lot of interest from the film world for its attempt to identify what makes a film die at the box office. One anonymous film star, known simply as J-LO, has donated several million dollars and "all the studded jeans we want" to help.
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