 |
|
|
| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · John Prescott |
|
 |
|
| You just walked into: Home > News | 14th October |
| |
|
 Entire BBC, rest of country except government resign over Hutton Report30 Jan 2004 by Hugh Jarse and Gregory T Mullet
Following the publication of the Hutton report, its damning indictment of the BBC and Alistair Campbell's claim that the BBC was filled with anti-war sentiment, the entire BBC staff tonight tendered their resignation in the vain hope of placating the insatiable Baal-type creature that was once the Downing Street Director of Communications. Priests and acolytes of the Campbell Demi-god claim, however, that "this is not enough and Broadcasting House must run red with blood" before their deity will be satisfied.
We caught up with the beast at an impromptu press conference where the former spin-doctor turned megalomaniac offered a few soundbites while gnawing on the now white bones of Gavin Davies. "Frankly, the BBC had this coming all along. My ascension will not be stopped by twisted journalism of this kind. Anyone who accuses me of being nothing more than a jumped-up tabloid journalist will rue the day they said it," he said, spitting out a now much-shrunken yet wholly unrepentant Greg Dyke. "If the BBC can't accept what I am becoming and bow down to me now then they will all find out why they fear the night." Claims of a 100-foot Alistair Campbell striding across Whitehall spewing forth flames and brimstone while opening the seals and unleashing the four horsemen of the Apocalypse have yet to be confirmed. The rest of the country, with the exception of the government, has also tonight indicated that it will resign over the Hutton Report. According to Douglas Ramsbottom, a spokesman for the general public, the vast majority of people in the UK feel "enormous guilt" for criticising the government prior to the Hutton Report and have decided that the only option open to them is to resign. "I once said to some of my friends down the pub that Blair was lying over Iraq," Mr Ramsbottom told DeadBrain. "Now that Hutton's found Blair innocent I accept that I made a mistake and I quit my job as a milkman this morning." Others expressed similar sentiments. "I was having a pop at Hoon at work the other day for sending our boys off to war without the right kit and helping to out Dr Kelly," said Gregory T Mullet, a television viewer. "But if Hutton says he's done nothing wrong then I believe him totally. I resigned from Blockbuster straight away." A Downing Street spokesman has said that the government will not be resigning because it has "done nothing wrong". Several million French people have meanwhile come out on strike, ostensibly in support of the British but probably, according to some sources, "because they enjoy it and it doesn't take much of an excuse". Related Articles DeadBrain exclusive: Hutton to replace Dyke at BBC 30 Jan 2004 Campbell demands more changes at BBC 30 Jan 2004 Downing Street to deny pressuring Hutton to "sex up" report 29 Jan 2004 Government to take revenge on BBC over Hutton 28 Jan 2004 Hutton to head inquiry into Hutton Inquiry leak 28 Jan 2004
|
|
|||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| |
| Copyright ©2001-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. | Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep |