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| You have trodden in: Home > News | 19th March |
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 United Nations fact inspectors to be sent into USA and UK1 Feb 2004 by Hugh Jarse
United Nations fact inspection teams are to be sent into Britain and the United States in the aftermath of recent intelligence-related revelations about the reasons for going to war in Iraq, it was announced today. David Kay, Hans Blix and now Condoleeza Rice and President Bush have admitted that things on the ground were somewhat different than they had "been led to believe", but so far there have been no such admissions in the UK.
It is believed that before the war, both countries had amassed considerable stockpiles of Facts which they planned to use to devastating effect but at the last minute chose not to, preferring to rely on low-yield lies and conventional falsehoods. "These Facts could be very dangerous if they got into the wrong hands," stated a worried looking Kofi Annan. "We need to find them before someone uses them on an unsuspecting and peace-loving public." An anonymous source in the British intelligence community claims that some of these Facts can be primed to be deployed within 45 minutes and have an extremely long range. If it is discovered that these countries have been developing Facts secretly there could be grave consequences for the war on terror, which has been built up on an absence of Facts. "The thought of these two powerful nations being able to use Facts - or worse, a Dirty Fact - in a populated area is, frankly, beyond comprehension," said intelligence expert Dr Douglas Ramsbottom. It is widely believed that the US Vice-President, Dick "Head" Cheney, has been secretly amassing Facts since the first Gulf War. These are thought to be related to oil, corporate control of the political machine, oil, more oil, the exploding growth of heroin production in Afghanistan and his own personal plans to usurp power in the United States. UN fact inspectors point to the example of an oil supertanker being appointed to the position of national security adviser as a measure of the Caligula-like despotism at work in the corridors of power today. Tony Blair and the British government have meanwhile recently been cleared of putting any Facts into their justification of war in Iraq. However, United Nations Fact inspectors believe this to be mere sophistry and claim the current Labour government have also been manufacturing facts behind the scenes. Fact inspections will be taking place shortly and any found will be deactivated and "made safe" on live television. Related Articles Entire BBC, rest of country except government resign over Hutton Report 30 Jan 2004 DeadBrain exclusive: Hutton to replace Dyke at BBC 30 Jan 2004 Campbell demands more changes at BBC 30 Jan 2004 Downing Street to deny pressuring Hutton to "sex up" report 29 Jan 2004 Government to take revenge on BBC over Hutton 28 Jan 2004
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