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| You are crouching next to: Home > News | 25th July |
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 Government counterattack: Troops occupy Broadcasting House3 Feb 2004 by Hugh Jarse
After a week of woe for the BBC, the government has proclaimed Martial Law under emergency constitutional powers drawn up by former ministers Stephen Byers and Peter Mandelson. Offices of the BBC are to be occupied by Coalition troops and news journalists are to be accompanied by newly-appointed members of the Commissariat with powers of summary justice in the event of further reporting slip-ups.
Pockets of resistance are, however, beginning to make their presence felt. On the Top Gear set the ad-hoc Jeremy Brigade have formed a small armoured unit in a Sherman tank and a fleet of "stars-in-reasonably-priced-cars" while the Newsnight squadron have recalled Jeremy Vine to join Paxman in a special operation. Cbeebies have holed themselves up in the sewers below Television Centre and mounted a terror campaign of suicide Teletubbies making it a no-go area. Jonathan Ross has been elected the new chief of the hastily formed light entertainment division at Broadcasting House. He plans to "woll up the government fwank" with a surprise-yet-slightly-humorous attack scheduled for later in the week, to be repeated on Saturday night. It is meanwhile widely rumoured that the entire Hutton fiasco has been an ingenious ruse on the part of the government and that a subsequent climb down is planned whereby Tony blames the retired Law Lord for the Hutton whitewash and utilises this to abolish the House of Lords entirely. A wry observer told DeadBrain: "The government are playing a long game here." Related Articles United Nations fact inspectors to be sent into USA and UK 1 Feb 2004 Entire BBC, rest of country except government resign over Hutton Report 30 Jan 2004 DeadBrain exclusive: Hutton to replace Dyke at BBC 30 Jan 2004 Campbell demands more changes at BBC 30 Jan 2004 Downing Street to deny pressuring Hutton to "sex up" report 29 Jan 2004
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