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  War on Terror

Blunkett promises to crush terrorists with new powers

The Home Secretary, David Blunkett, wants new super anti-terrorism laws to make it easier to execute British terror suspects.

Whereas in the past a barrel of proof was needed to convict a terror suspect, and at the moment a kilderkin is required, Mr Blunkett wants a small sherry glass of proof to be sufficient to have a terror suspect hung, drawn and quartered.

Under his proposals, anyone suspected of committing a terrorist act, or thinking of committing a terrorist act, or reading about terrorism, or using the word "terrorist" in an e-mail, will be fairly tried in secret until found guilty.

Evidence used in trials would also be kept secret to protect MI5, MI6, GCHQ, T. Blair and other shy parties. Anyone found guilty of leaking details of a trial would immediately be branded a terrorist.

Several civil rights groups have expressed outrage at the proposals. One group even suggested Mr Blunkett resign before he made a complete ass of himself. This group is now being investigated for using the words "terrorist", "terrorism" and "terrible".

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