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| You are standing next to: Home > News | 8th February |
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 Sceptics demand inquiry into Hutton Inquiry5 Feb 2004 by Brad Stone
Pressure is building again around Tony Blair as a consortium of newspaper editors and politicians have demanded an inquiry into the Hutton Inquiry, which has been described variously as "a whitewash", "a cover up", and "darkly comic, full of delicious plot twists and sizzling romance."
Upon release, Lord Hutton's Inquiry was lambasted for providing an unexpectedly one-sided view, blaming the BBC for everything from, er, "one-sided reporting" to "blue murder", while the government figures were unanimously portrayed as "jolly good eggs, caught in a true blue cheeser of a situation." "This is not good enough," Doug P Ramsbottom, spokesman for the consortium, told reporters. "The public is not going to stand for this kind of flagrant government white-washing. We want an inquiry to find out how Hutton got all of this so wrong." The consortium have since followed up this statement by making a number of alleged allegations against Lord Hutton, including that his report was "plagiarised from the internet"; that it may have been "secretly written by Alastair Campbell"; that it was "sexed down"; and, most shockingly, that an unhappy Greg Dyke may have secretly changed the report, to provide himself with an "escape route" from a demanding job at the BBC. "An inquiry into an inquiry?" a Labour Party insider asked DeadBrain, when told of the news. "That sounds like rather good fun - we hadn't thought of that. Just the other day we were talking about setting up a 'Ministry of Inquiries', headed of course by Alast... ah, one of Tony's appointees." "Well anyway, we'll definitely be game - everyone loves inquiries - and I mean it's not like we're paying for all this!" he added, laughing. None of the consortium were available for comment when we contacted them, but we did eventually track down Doug P Ramsbottom for further clarification. "We're looking out for the public interest," Mr Ramsbottom stated. "We want an inquiry. And failing that, we'll demand an inquiry into why we can't have our inquiry about their inquiry. Frankly, we're going to have inquiry after taxpayer-funded inquiry, until we've got something we can pin on those slick, spin-doctor New Labour wastrels." "Besides - Damn it all! You don't sell newspapers by saying 'Nope, everything's okay here, thank-you-very-much'!?" he added. "Although, of course, that last bit was off the record, right?" Meanwhile, a spontaneous protest rally of an estimated 500 people formed this morning in Hyde Park and was expected to march on the Houses of Parliament this afternoon. Carrying banners calling for the "Hutton Inquiry Inquiry" - or the "Hutton Squared" - the rally was on-course up to Piccadilly Circus but is believed to have taken a wrong turn and was last spotted "wandering aimlessly" through Hammersmith. Related Articles Liberal Democrats to disrupt inquiry into Iraq's WMD 4 Feb 2004 Downing Street drafts clarifications of Blair's statements on Iraq 3 Feb 2004 Government counterattack: Troops occupy Broadcasting House 3 Feb 2004 United Nations fact inspectors to be sent into USA and UK 1 Feb 2004 Entire BBC, rest of country except government resign over Hutton Report 30 Jan 2004
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