Dubya's Week: Where are them WMDs?
7 Feb 2004 by Malcolm Drury
Verbatim highlights of President Bush's handwritten daily journal for the week of February 1 to February 7, 2004. Does Sunday's reference to Janet Jackson's "accidental" flashing reflect a hitherto unrecognised mischievous sense of humour in America's best president since Clinton? And could that incident have re-awakened his apparent interest in "Sherry" (Cherie Blair)? Read on, and decide for yourself.
Sunday 1 Febuerry
Seems like I'm gonna have to admit that we probbly won't find any weppons of mass destruction in Iraq after all. Shoot, I was hoping it would blow over. Spent the morning trying to figger out what to do. Rote down some ideas, I'll copy them here for posterraty.
1. Blame Terry Blair. Terry's a nice guy, but he did say that Saddam could get harmonium for a nucular bomb from Africa and it could be delivered in only 45 minutes.
4. Blame the U of N, can't think of a reason right now.
2. Blame Cheney, he was the one that insisted Saddam had weppons, told me he'd seen them in a dream.
8. Send some of our troops into Syria or Iranistan or somewhere, say they are threttening the US of A, and hope Americans forget about Iraq. But might not get away with it again.
7. I just thunk of a reason to blame U of N, say their inspectors found the weppons and Coffee Annan made them hide them and not tell me or Terry just to make us look stupid.
Finally got a grate idea - order an inkwiry but don't let it report until after the election. And maybe I could get that limey, Lord Hutton or whatever, to head it. He seems like the kind of guy that can come to the right conclusion, got Terry off the hook OK.
Watched Superbowl in evening, got real excited when Janet Jackson showed one of her weppons of mass destruction, almost choked on a pretzel. Good thing Laura wasn't there, she'd have a headache for the rest of the year for sure.
Monday 2 FebuerryAnnounced the inkwiry. Terry Blair phoned, said thanks a lot George now I've got to have an inkwiry as well, just got one finished, didn't reelly want another so soon. I said you're welcome Terry, any time, give my regards to Sherry, in fact let her come over for a visit, no need for you to come.
Panic in Washington, somebody found some rice in an office of one of the Senators, said it was deadly poisenous, and they had to shut down the whole building. Well what I want to know is what's so wrong with rice, I like it, especially rice pudding, and it never poisened me, although I did nearly choke on some once.
Wensday 4 Febuerry
That John Kerry thinks he's so grate, just because he was in Vietnam, and got a Silver Star, a Bronze Star and three Purple Hearts, well I should have got a Purple Heart for my part in the Iraq campane, burned my finger in some gravy when I delivered them turkeys last year. Anyway, called Donny and said Kerry is getting too far ahead in the poles, I need to do something again on an aircraft carrier or submarine or somewhere where I can wear my flight suit and general's hat, so come up with something quick.
He said no way, he can't afford to use an aircraft carrier or submarine for that sort of thing, he's still paying off the repair bill for that little accident I had with the plane last May on the aircraft carrier when I said mishun accomplished. I said be quiet, don't say anything over the phone, Ashcroft and Ridge might be listening, we covered it up good and I don't want it getting out, remember I wasn't supposed to be driving, besides it wasn't a very big hole and the sailor made a full recovery.
Thersday 5 Febuerry
Got a scare today, was speaking at the National Prayer Breakfast when we heard what sounded like gunfire, I thought oh boy, this is it and I never did get to see Sherry again, but it turned out it was just a noise from some sound equipment. Went straight home after the meeting to change pants.
Friday 6 Febuerry
Aw shucks, Janet Jackson won't be at the Grammys, I was hoping to see her deploy her other WMD.
Looks like Cheney is in trouble over that trip he took with a judge to shoot ducks in Air Force Two. Gonna have to watch this one, don't want re-election to be jepperdized, might have to dump him.
Saterday 7 Febuerry
Donny came over to play ping pong. I accidentally hit the ball too hard when the cat crept up behind me and bit my ankle and it hit him in the face, the ball, not the cat, and broke his glasses. He said you did it on purpose just because I won't let you show off on an aircraft carrier again. He wouldn't beleeve me when I said I didn't mean to do it, it was the cat's fault, he said he couldn't see to play now and went home in a huff.
I wonder if that cat is a terrorist.
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