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Alastair Campbell tipped to head new anti-crime agency
9 Feb 2004 by Malcolm Drury
Alastair Campbell, the former chief spinmeister for Prime Minister Tony Blair, has been tipped as the head of a new UK-wide crime-fighting agency, dubbed the British FBI, DeadBrain has learned.
Home Secretary David Blunkett unveiled the agency today and outlined plans for sweeping new powers for British crime fighters, including reducing the "burden of proof" required for securing a conviction. He noted that the latter would be particularly useful for dealing with organisations such as the BBC and the Conservative Party that the government believes are conspiring to overthrow it.
The new agency, the Serious Organised Crime Agency (SOCA), will combat crimes like people smuggling, drug trafficking, wearing spandex in public and attempting to persuade people to vote against the government in general elections. SOCA is the result of a merger of the National Crime Squad, the National Criminal Intelligence Service, the investigative branches of Customs and Excise and the Home Office Immigration Service, the British Transport Police, and the popular television programme CrimeWatch.
Speaking on condition of anonymity, Douglas Ramsbottom, an aide to Mr Blunkett, told our reporter that in view of his recent successful campaign against the BBC, Alastair Campbell had been singled out by Prime Minister Blair as someone who was well qualified to head SOCA. "The Prime Minister was extremely pleased with Mr Campbell's tenacity, which helped to bring the Hutton Inquiry to such a satisfactory conclusion," he said. "He believes Mr Campbell will be able to bring criminal gangs, including the Tories and the BBC, to prompt justice once the burden of proof requirement is reduced, or in the latter two cases, eliminated."
Asked why the Liberal Democrats did not appear to be targeted he said that nobody in government took them seriously enough to believe that they represent a real threat.
Our reporter later approached Mr Campbell in an attempt to obtain a comment but backed off when he noticed the look in the latter's eye and the fact that he was carrying a baseball bat.
Late NewsDespite promises that the new agency will crack down on asylum seekers, the Daily Mail has launched its full-scale opposition to the idea on the grounds that the FBI contains the word "federal".
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