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| You accidentally discovered: Home > News | 19th March |
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 Blair welcomes "genuine" sun-seeking EU migrants18 Feb 2004 by Joe Dent
After a recent government study found that most migrants come to Britain for the weather, the Prime Minister has decided to welcome with open arms sun-seekers from the 10 new EU member states. He announced that those genuinely seeking sea, sun and sand will be allowed onto our paradise island from 1 May, "when the summer really gets going".
BBC weather reports seen throughout the world are blamed for tempting sun-starved Lithuanians, Czechs, Poles, Maltese and Cypriots to our ever-sunny shores. These reports, which usually follow the jolly news, have proved to be beacons of hope for tens of thousands of desperate people, sick of cold, wet and grey weather. Michael Fish, the weatherman most famous for not predicting a hurricane in 1987, was named the man most immigrants want to meet. According to some newspapers, BBC Television Centre, where Mr Fish works, is the first place they head for after jumping off the back of lorries at Dover. Experts say that many of these immigrants, including the women, shave the top of their heads and throw a few wisps of hair across the pate in an effort to look like their hero. A government spokesman told DeadBrain that immigrants will be given special permits, allowing them to travel free of charge to golden resorts such as Brighton, Scarborough and Blackpool. There they will be able to enjoy donkey rides, ice-cream and sand-filled sandwiches in an effort to acclimatise to British society. Right-wing organisations, including the Daily Mail, have condemned the move, saying that there isn't enough sun to go around as it is. They insist that the immigrants will bring grey clouds, cold, wind, rain, and "possibly even hurricanes" – a claim that Mr Fish swiftly denied. Related Articles New EU anti-spam law stops all spam in a day 11 Dec 2003 Mission to take Kinnock to moon blasts off 28 Sep 2003 Government to extend the requirements for wearing protective clothing 15 Aug 2003 Outrage over Brussels "straight railways" plan 10 Aug 2003 Suicide bombers call for better working conditions 7 Aug 2003 SPECIAL REPORT: New EU constitution will mean end of life as we know it 27 May 2003
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