Dubya's Week: Where's my President Cake?

Sunday 15 Febuerry

In big trouble, forgot Valantines Day yesterday, Laura not speaking to me except to say expect her to have a headache for a long time. Thought it best not to menshun the card I sent to Sherry Blair, I just put "from a secrit president of the US of A", hope Terry doesn't see it and figger out who it's from. Dissapointed that I didn't get one from her.

Went to Florida to start Daytona 500, got to wear a racing jacket and say gentelmen start your enjins, always wanted to do that. Got a grate welcom, stock car racing fans are my kind of peeple, but can't figger out why they're all called bubba. Wanted to parashoot out of Air Force One in my flight suit and general's hat with kolored smoke, red white and blue, coming from my head but Donny wouldn't let me. He did say if I wanted I could bunjy jump out of a hellycopter from 100 feet and they would give me 120 feet of rope to make sure I had some spare just in case I needed it but I said no, I want to be taken seriously, I'm the war president, that's stupid.

Monday 16 Febuerry

President's Day, America on holiday today in my honner. Thought I'd get lots of presents, maybe even a surprise party, but didn't even get a card or a president cake, same as last year, what's the point of President's Day if I don't get anything.

Gave a speech at a window factery. Had a bit of an accident with a [illegible, but appears to be an attempt at "caulking" - Ed.] gun, picked it up to show I was just one of the guys and accidentally corked my fly closed and got some up my nose. Don't think anyone noticed but I had to get one of the security guys to cut me loose.

Toosday 17 Febuerry

Got a big laff today, two Rushan missles went wrong during a test from a nucular submarine. Apparently Pootin was watching, dressed as an admiral or something, what a show off, never catch me doing something like that. Wanted to send him a tellagram, Pootin, not the security guy, saying in your face commy, USA USA, but Donny said no that wouldn't be in the best interests of diplomassy.

Thersday 19 Febuerry

Phoned Terry Blair, said I hear you've been cosying up to Sheerac and Shroder, want to make Yoorup more powerful than US of A, well forget it buddy, ain't ever going to happen, we've got the weppons to make sure of that, we've done it once and we can do it again so don't push us, we're number one. And if you want them to be your best frends instead of me go ahead, I don't care. He said no you're still my best frend George, sorry, I was just trying to be nice to them, I'm still on your side, I won't do it again.

He didn't say anything about the Valantine's card to Sherry so I guess he didn't see it.

Friday 20 Febuerry

Got up early for brekfast, about 9, couldn't find my slippers again, I think the security guys sneek in at night and hide them, and the cat bit my foot, it's been a little crazy ever since it got winged when one of the security guys accidentally shot at it, the cat I mean, not my foot, maybe I should take it to the vet. I'm a vet, served in Texas and Alabama in the National Gard, got the dental records to prove it, but not that kind of vet. I did run over a rabbit once. Maybe I should ask Laura to take it, it doesn't bite her as much, the cat I mean, not the rabbit, too late for that, it's not biting anybody any more.

Had oranj juice, toast, scrambled eggs, bacon, three sossages, and two cups of coffee, managed not to choke but spilled some coffee, it was too hot, security guys had forgotten to blow on it. Texas is hot too, though not too bad at this time of year, but even when it is hot you can't blow on it, it's too big. I miss the ranch, must try to get down there soon, haven't had a vacation for a couple of weeks. Read the newspaper clippings that the guys had done for me, they do a good job, one of them told me they even take the big words out to save me time, lets me read faster. I sure appreshiate that. [And so on .... Ed.].

Saterday 21 Febuerry

Day off.

Donny came over for a swim in the White House pool. When he went to get dried he said wait a minute this is one of my towels, look it's got DR monnagrammed on it in reel gold. I remembered it was one I got at his house, he gave it to me to get dried after I'd fallen into his goldfish pond, I still say he pushed me. Anyway I had to think fast, I said no, Dolly Parton gave it to me when she visited, and he said Parton begins with a p you moron, it's my towel and I'm going home, so he went off in a huff. Took the towel with him too.