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| You just walked into: Home > News | 5th July |
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 US military creates virtual Earth, finds terrorists, invades virtual France24 Feb 2004
The US military is creating a virtual-reality Earth to help it train for conflicts. The software, which is being developed by a games company, is an exact scale copy of the real Earth containing details of every corner of the planet. However, the development of the software has run into difficulties after a number of "bugs" crept in. According to sources in the development team, al Qaeda has infiltrated the virtual Earth and is starting to colonise parts of it, including Afghanistan and Texas.
"This is a major problem for us, because we haven't finished the code for the War on Terror. We're powerless to stop al Qaeda – the only variables we can control are the number of McDonald's outlets, the data for which is fed in live from the company's HQ, and the development of marine life," one programmer said. "Unless the virtual Osama takes up snorkelling, we're screwed." "The situation is indeed a grave one," added another developer. "We've already developed the British government module and according to that the virtual bin Laden is in league with the virtual Saddam Hussein and together they could nuke the virtual Washington in 45 minutes! If that happens then we'll have to give up on the whole thing and start again." However, a spokesman for the US military told DeadBrain that the state of the virtual world was not actually that bad. "Our virtual forces have already occupied a number of virtual countries where suspected terrorist activity has been taking place, including Iraq, Syria and France," he said. "We are virtually winning this virtual war, virtually." The war is being led by a virtual President Bush, which has taken to wearing virtual flight suits and cowboy costumes. "We're particularly proud of the Bush artificial intelligence module," confirmed the spokesman. "It was easy enough to create – we just factored in virtual opinion polls, virtual oil and a virtual map with a virtual pin in it. It's really quite accurate." True to the real Earth, the virtual British government has closely allied itself with the virtual American government and backed its war on virtual terrorism. However, the virtual British soldiers are without the boots and equipment that their American counterparts have. "We wanted to be as accurate as possible," added the spokesman. A virtual inquiry is to be launched in the virtual UK, in which the virtual BBC is expected to be blamed for the virtual equipment shortages. Related Articles Osama bin Laden 'traced' to luxury mansion in Beverly Hills 10 Feb 2004 Sad middle aged man in terror hoax 9 Feb 2004 Blunkett promises to crush terrorists with new powers 3 Feb 2004 USA censures Taiwan over its WMD programme 29 Jan 2004 "Royal" terror cell was active in Yorkshire, says US 13 Jan 2004 Bush orders pre-emptive strike against Yorkshire 12 Jan 2004
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