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Housing hell for first time buyers
25 Feb 2004 by Matt Knight
The UK housing market time-bomb sees no sign of exploding as first-time buyers (now registered on the World Wildlife Fund "endangered species" list) are being forced to consider new buying options in order to get a foot on the property ladder.
London estate agents Muppet, Monkey and Dimwit (MMD) are marketing several "unique" properties in the hope that they can coax first-time buyers back into the market.
Earlier today DeadBrain property correspondent Greg Mullet posed as a first-time buyer at the MMD offices. Senior partner Charlie Muppet (pronounced Moopay) explained: "There is huge demand for these newly created housing options. They are proving both popular and affordable."
DeadBrain was shown the particulars of two properties for sale with MMD. The first property, located in Acton, west London, is described as follows:
A charming one storey terraced property in a quiet cul-de-sac. The property benefits from an unusual and generously proportioned front entrance. The massive studio room is dual aspect (when the front door is open) and comes complete with modern and stylish concrete floors. Ample storage space is located on the walls and in the roof. The exterior walls are decorated with bright primary colours. A retractable staircase leads up on to the flat roof, which could be converted into a roof terrace (subject to planning permission). The property requires some structural work (plumbing and insulation) which explains the very competitive price. £110,000 or nearest offer. The second property in West Kensington is on the market for £75,000.
This gorgeous one-bedroom property is both light and airy and has real kerb appeal. Situated on a charming street with unrivalled transport links, the property benefits from a new stylish black floor and a post-modern white line motif. The space is decorated with beautiful period Georgian lamps. The property comes complete with a restored Portakabin and a parking permit. Viewing is highly recommended. No pictures were provided and Mr Muppet would not confirm that he was a cash-hungry scumbag. He did, however, point out that MMD have acquired several 1950s prefabricated wooden (Scandinavian style) structures, which come complete with a garden (vegetable). Prices start at £50,000.
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