Dubya's Week: Bring it on!
28 Feb 2004 by Malcolm Drury
Verbatim highlights of President Bush's handwritten daily journal for the week of February 22 to February 28, 2004. America's best Republican president of the twenty-first century is clearly enjoying his newly self-defined role as the "war president", telling the French and North Koreans to "bring it on" and even having words with Tony Blair. Will this toughness continue? Stay with us as we continue to explore the depths of George's mind through his journal entries.
Sunday 22 FebuerrySeems somebody at the Pentagon hid a secrit report that said climate change is reel and will become even more of a thret to US of A than terrorists, well I said that last month, and I hadn't even seen that secrit report. But I haven't caught Al Kayda yet, don't reelly want another thret to have to deal with just now. Cheney told me a long time ago global warming isn't reel, he said Hallyburton oil guys had told him some scientists had said there's no evidence to prove it, but now some other scientists have said it's reelly reel.
I'm getting a bit tired of these scientists, can't ever agree on anything and they think they're so smart with their docterates, I could get a docterate if I wanted one, Powell told me about a place in New York, all you have to do is send them $100 and they send you one back right away, you can get to be a bishop too for only $25 extra. Think I might do that, I like the sound of Dr President Your Grace, or would that be Your Grace Dr. President.
Monday 23 FebuerryDonny phoned to say he was sending some marines to Hatey to look after the US embassy there, that President Harris Tweed guy is losing control, he said there are lots of Asians rebelling, I said what are Asians doing there, I thought Hatey was in the Carribbian, no Chineese or North of Koreans or Albanians there. He said that's OK George don't worry about it, get back to your nap, I've got it covered. Sometimes I think he doesn't know what he's talking about.
That reminds me, I got a nice Harris Tweed jacket off a market stall when I went shopping with Laura and Sherry Blair while I was in the U of K last year, only cost ten Limey dollars or whatever they call them. Trouble is it doesn't fit properly, my arms are too long, should have tried it on but Laura was ankshus to get to Harrods. I didn't know they were made in Hatey, I'm sure Sherry told me they came from U of K, the jackets I mean, not my arms.
Toosday 24 FebuerrySaw on Fox News that Pootin has fired his government, seems like a good idea to me so called Ashcroft and said can I do the same, fire all the demercats in kongress and the senit, maybe even put them in jail, there must be a good reason to do that, after all, they are liberrals. He said no he didn't think we would get away with that, besides Pootin had fired his own peeple, not the oppersition.
I said OK but we'd better think of something, a CNN pole last week put me way behind Kerry, but he said so what, a Fox News pole at the same time put you equal, and who do you want to beleeve. I said Fox, they're balanced and fair, they say so themselves, and that's good enough for me.
Wensday 25 FebuerrySheerac phoned in a flap, seems some of our inspectors looked into French safety standards and as a result we've banned imports of stuff from France like sossidges and Patty D. Fwa Gra whatever that is, sounds like some Chineese woman. He said what are you doing banning that stuff, we haven't banned your disgusting hamburgers and processed cheese, we don't think it's fair. So I said so what, you didn't support us in Iraq so why should I care about your sossidges, we banned french fries once, can do it again if you're not careful, and your stinky cheese. So he said he was going to think about banning US stuff so I said bring it on, bub, we can be in Lisbon in two days if that's what you want, I'd be happy to see the stars and stripes flying from the Eyeful Tower, USA USA! Then I just hung up. Boy, that told him.
Thersday 26 FebuerryPowell came round, haven't seen him for a while, didn't realise who it was at first and nearly set the cat on him. He said good news, the North of Korea has said it will stop developing nucular weppons if we stop calling them names, the North of Koreans I mean, not the nucular weppons. I said tell them in your face Koreans, nobody tells George Dubya Bush what to do, I'm the war president, if you think you're big enough bring it on.
Then Donny came in to see me, said some woman in the U of K, Short or something, used to work for Terry Blair, says U of K spied on Coffee Annan, the U of N guy, at our rekwest so I phoned Terry and said what's going on, don't drag us into it, and he said it was you that asked for it in the first place. He's been a bit edgy with me recently, don't reelly know why but I might have to drop him as my special advisor in Yoorup, except if I do I might not see Sherry again. Anyway I said look Terry we're frends but if you want to bring it on that's up to you, just remember we bombed you once and we can do it again.
Boy, I'm reelly on a roll this week as the war president, Sheerac yesterday and them Koreans and even Terry today.
Friday 27 FebuerryGerry Shroder here for a visit, I want to be a bit frendlier with the Germaniums, might need their support if we have to liberate another country this year, never can tell how the election campane will go. I was going to try to get frendlier with the French too but after Sheerac's rant on Wensday I might not after all. At least the Germaniums eat the same kind of food as us, like hamburgers and hot dogs. I think they even have a town named after hamburgers, don't know if they have one called Hot Dog though.
Saterday 28 FebuerryDay off.
Donny came over to watch TV, his was broke, but the cat was sitting on the remote and wouldn't get up, bit me every time I tried to get it, the remote I mean, not the cat, and the security guys said we're not going anywhere that thing, it's evil, the cat I mean, not the remote. Donny said you should get rid of that cat, it's a nuisance, but I'll move it, it doesn't scare me. So he tried to move it and then went home in a huff after Laura had put a bandage on his nose and promised to get the blood out of his shirt and have his jacket repared.
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