Dubya's Week: Who ate the Super Tuesday pancakes?

Sunday 29 Febuerry

I don't understand this, yesterday was the 28 of Febuerry so today should be the first of March. So called Ashcroft and asked him if Al Kayda or one of them other terrorists had been messing about with the date, added a day just to throw us off their sent, he said no, it's a leep year. So I said what's that, I've never heard of it, so he went rambling on about the sun going round and round the earth and taking too long or something, I said I don't understand, so he said OK what it means is it's an extra day for you as president for your election campane, it happens every election year. I said that's grate, but do them demercrats get an extra day too and he said no, George, it's March 1 for them already. Boy, I like being president. Wonder if I could get an extra birthday or two, maybe another Chrismass, just for me.

Watched the oskers, hoped Janet Jackson would be on but she wasn't. Probbly as well, Laura was watching with me, don't want her having a headache for another week.

Monday 1 March

Cheney called round to say had I seen the news, Harris Tweed has said that we forced him to leave Hatey, said he was the victim of a coo daytat staged by us. Not sure what a coo daytat is but it sounds serious so I said is that true and Cheney said better for you not to know George, it's election year and the less you know about anything the better. So I called Donny to see if he could explane and he said it's just another regime change we wanted, we didn't like Harris Tweed any more, and now we're going to run the place, just like Iraq and the U of K.

Toosday 2 March

Had bad dream during afternoon nap, dreamt that I was Superman and I was being attacked by Al Kayda who was throwing kriptanite at me. Woke up shouting and fell off the couch onto the cat, which bit a security guy who came in to see what was wrong. He said he was tired of the cat biting him and if it didn't stop he would shoot it properly this time, not just wing it like he did last time, I said it's your fault, it's been biting and walking funny ever since then and if you want to shoot it you'll have to shoot me first. Didn't quite catch what he said but sounded like that could be arranged so I said what and he said that would be deranged, sir. I reelly wonder sometimes where Ashcroft gets these security guys.

Couldn't figger out why I dreamt I was Superman, usually I dream I'm just me in my flight suit and general's hat or sometimes an astranaut suit but then I realised it's Super Toosday when we get to have pancakes and the demercrats vote for their candidats so I figger my subconshus just took over and put super in my brane. That's what happens when you're as smart as me and have a big subconshus. Cheney once told me he prefers me to be subconshus than conshus.

Come to think of it, didn't get any pancakes. Bet the security guys et them, they're always doing things like that.

Wensday 3 March

It's offishul, Kerry will be running against me, well I don't care if he is a war hero, I'm the commander in cheef and if I want to drive a tank during the election campane I can and he can't so in your face Kerry. That's if Donny will let me, he always says no when I ask if I can parashoot into a submarine or something. Anyway phoned him to say congradulations and bring it on, Kerry that is, not Donny.

Thersday 4 March

Our first election campane ads were on TV. They wouldn't let me dress up in my flight suit and general's hat to be in them though, that would have been better, Donny said maybe later, let's see how things go with these first. Some libberals complaned about one that had some shots of 9-11, well tough cookies. In another I say "I know what we need to do to make the world more free and more peaceful." Must ask Cheney or somebody what we need to do in case somebody asks, I don't akcherly know off hand, speech writers haven't told me, they just said look into the camera and say the words like you mean them, you're reel good at doing that.

Friday 5 March

Terry Blair phoned, said he'd seen on the BBC a report from Affganistan that Osama bin Laden escaped a recent Pakistanish operation to catch him. He, Terry that is, said the BBC userly just tells lies but he said he thought I should know just on the off chance they got it right for once. I said thanks, I'll get right on it, I'm going over there to catch him like I did Saddam as soon as Donny will give me a plain. Terry said OK George, you do that, I was going to do it myself but I'll let you, you're more experienced what with being in the National Gard and all. What a grate guy.

Saterday 6 March

Day off.

Donny came over with a couple of kites Obi-Wan Jayboy, Prime Minister of China, gave him when was here just before Chrismass, he said let's go into the back yard and fly these, so I said OK. So I put on my US marine combat boots and we went out, but when I was running backwards trying to get my kite to fly I accidentally knocked Donny into the goldfish pond, he fell on his kite and broke it, and I panniked and let go of my kite and the wind blew it over the fence and a truck ran over it. He said you've ruined my kites you krettin, so I said don't worry I'll send one of the security guys to WalMart for some more but he said they were hand made and deckerated Chineese kites, they were reel valuable, you can't get them from WalMart, and he went home in a huff.

Tried to find krettin in dictionerry but it wasn't in.