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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · David Cameron |
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| You have fallen over: Home > News | 19th March |
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 Blunkett tells Bush to "let my people go"9 Mar 2004 by Joe Dent
The Home Secretary, David Blunkett, has told the United States to "let my people go" during a visit to Harvard University.
Mr Blunkett, who is in the US buying some Mace to squirt at asylum seekers, asked President Bush to set free all British detainees held at Guantanamo Bay. When this request was denied, the Home Secretary threw down his white stick, which immediately turned into a snake. However, Mr Bush was unimpressed and had Mr Blunkett removed from his presence. Undeterred by this setback, Mr Blunkett then threatened to let loose a plague of mad cows in the US. He insisted that the case of BSE in Washington State last year was his doing - "a sort of trial run" - and warned that he would have infected cows running amok in every US city if President Bush failed to meet his demands. Following extensive investigation, US anti-terror officials, aided by representatives from Mr Bush's re-election campaign, decided that five of the British prisoners present a low risk compared to Mr Blunkett's mad cows. Confident that all British prisoners would eventually be released, Mr Blunkett responded by saying that he will part the Atlantic and lead them home to the UK, where they will face fair and honest British justice in secret trials without juries. Although agreeing wholeheartedly with Mr Blunkett's trial proposals, a spokesman for Mr Bush said, "Blunkett can have five and that's his lot. He should think himself lucky that he's got that many." He added that if any more mad cows turned up in the US during Mr Bush's re-election campaign a contingent of marines would be sent to the UK to bring the prisoners back. Related Articles EXCLUSIVE: New House of Commons spying scandal uncovered 4 Mar 2004 Hutton to conduct inquiry into Clare Short 3 Mar 2004 1,000 new spies to be recruited in War on Public Opinion 28 Feb 2004 US military creates virtual Earth, finds terrorists, invades virtual France 24 Feb 2004 Osama bin Laden 'traced' to luxury mansion in Beverly Hills 10 Feb 2004
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