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| You feel threatened by: Home > News | 4th December |
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Rusedski cleared of being "knowingly Canadian"10 Mar 2004
The tennis player Greg Rusedski was today cleared of being knowingly Canadian at a hearing of the sport's governing body. The Association of Tennis Players had feared, along with others, that Mr Rusedski was at the centre of a Canadian plot to take over the world, and that such a plot may have had an undue influence on his performance. However, after the player protested his innocence, the ATP cleared him of all wrongdoing.
Mr Rusedski's defence rested on the fact that he had been taking performance-enhancing supplements, assorted nasal sprays and "muscle-building jelly beans", and that as such his blood was too contaminated for a test to conclude accurately that he was in fact Canadian. He also cited the precedent of Czech tennis player Bohdan Ulihrach, who was found to be Welsh last year despite never having visited Wales and not knowing what a daffodil was. The victory came as a relief to Mr Rusedski. "The verdict was clear and unequivocal," he said. "I might be drugged up to the eyeballs, but I've been a British citizen since 1995 and that's what really matters. I'm no more Canadian than the maple syrup I had on my pancakes this morning, eh?" Fans and tabloid newspapers immediately threw their weight back behind Mr Rusedski. "He's not as good Henman, obviously," said one, "but he's as British as a Rolls Royce." "I've been behind Rusedski all the way, except when I disowned him on behalf of the British people for two months and offered to buy him a plane ticket back to Canada," commented a Sun reporter. "It's great that he's British again and it just goes to show that we were right all along." The ATP has admitted to having a problem with Canadians and has said it will "redouble its efforts to work out where all these Canadians are coming from". "Tennis has to be a Canadian-free sport for the public to take it seriously," said a British representative. "We're working hard to reach that goal." Mr Rusedski may now be considering legal action against the ATP, which he says "dragged his name through the mud" in making unfounded accusations about his nationality. Related ArticlesRusedski just tip of iceberg in Canadian plot10 Jan 2004 British Tennis Association condemns Canadian "druggie"9 Jan 2004 Rusedski tests positive for being Canadian9 Jan 2004
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