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Bush sweeps Florida after recount in Democrat primary
11 Mar 2004 by Malcolm Drury
In spite of not being on the ballot US President "Boy" George W. Bush secured the Florida Democrat nomination votes earlier today following a surprise recount ordered by his brother, Jeb Bush, Governor of the State.
Frontrunner Democrat candidate John Kerry had initially been declared the victor in a landslide, but his victory was short-lived after "anomalies" were found in votes that had been cast using newly-installed electronic voting machines.
Martha W. Bush, the principal election scrutineer appointed by the governor to oversee the process, became suspicious while the electronic votes were tallied and the vast majority were seen to be going to Mr. Kerry. After the ballots closed she brought in Albert W. Bush, an electronics specialist from Tampa, to examine the voting machines, and it is understood that he found software glitches that he was unable to describe to the press, citing confidentiality arising from the proprietary nature of the software. He did say, however, that the glitches caused votes to be assigned to the wrong person.
Ms. Bush said that as a result she had immediately alerted Governor Bush, who in turn had asked Joseph W. Bush, of Joseph W. Bush and Associates, a software company also from Tampa, to fix the software glitch and re-rerun the data. When this was completed in the early hours of this morning, the result clearly showed an overwhelming victory for the president.
Mr. Bush the governor quickly let Mr. Bush the president know of his victory, and the latter was reported to be delighted but a little confused. It is expected that the two Bushes will release a joint press statement later today extolling the virtues of electronic voting and praising this victory for democracy.
There are unconfirmed reports that a Pete "The Knife" Bush, recently released from prison after completing his sentence for extortion and uttering threats, has been in touch with Mr. Kerry regarding the possibility of the latter's appealing the recount. Mr. Kerry was unavailable for comment.
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Look at this, moron.
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