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| You are hovering over: Home > News | 20th March |
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New tape shows truth about Blair and Caplin11 Mar 2004 by Matt Knight
The extraordinary truth about the nature of Carole Caplin's relationship with Tony Blair, and shockingly Alastair Campbell, became clearer today when the DeadBrain offices received a video containing secret footage of a weekend the trio spent at Chequers.
It would appear that Ms Caplin's influence extends beyond dubious sartorial suggestions, which include dodgy purple suits and luridly coloured underpants. The tape has revealed a far deeper and altogether more worrying affiliation. It shows that Tony Blair and Alastair Campbell spent a weekend indulging in a series of stress-busting treatments, which included Hawaiian pulsing, lymph drainage, seaweed baths, colonic irrigation and crystal healing. Footage shows a session of Bhakti yoga where – dressed in red Lycra bodysuits and white headbands – Blair and Campbell are heard saying "Mmmmmmmm" a lot, and breathe heavily while a partially clothed Ms Caplin instructs them to form peculiar shapes with their bodies. There is also a cameo role by someone who looks suspiciously like Peter Mandelson. The man can be seen swanning around in the background in a purple silk dressing gown and fluffy white slippers. As he walks across the room he rests his hand gently on both Blair and Campbell's backs and says: "Keep it up boys". He then wanders out of the room clutching a copy of Wallpaper* magazine. The most embarrassing episode, however, is when Blair and Campbell take part in a session of past-life regression hypnosis. Under Caplin's spell the two men, seen sitting on a chaise longue and wrapped in white towels, are taken back to a series of troubling events earlier in their lives. Blair is taken back to his schooldays where he tearfully recalls feeling isolated. All his half-hearted attempts to fit in with anyone and everyone fail. It is only when a friendly, if stupid, boy named George befriends him that he stops blubbing. Campbell's recollections take him back to a time when he is punching the shit out of a wall after being caught out cheating in his history exam. He also talks about the stress of being dumped by his then girlfriend Jemima Prescott, and his shame at being deemed "not a 100% trustworthy witness" by a High Court judge. Crying uncontrollably, Blair and Campbell get up from the sofa and start to hug each other. Shaking with emotion, their towels fall to the floor, at which point Caplin clicks her fingers, they both wake up and – unfortunately - the tape ends. The tape does, however, give credence to Mr Campbell's suggestion earlier this week that he is "just an extension of Tony". DeadBrain is unable to confirm the source of these revelations but the postmark seems to suggest that the package was sent from either Sydney, Australia or West Kensington. Former conman and alleged writer Peter Foster was unavailable for comment.
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