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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · John Prescott |
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| You have been disturbed by: Home > News | 4th December |
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 Media coverage of terror plummets further13 Mar 2004 by Matt Knight
Following on from its decision to publish "terrorist attacks at a glance" on its website, the Guardian newspaper is expected to announce the introduction of a new "terror" news service which, it is hoped, will keep all terror news junkies up to date with the latest dreadful news.
On the occasion of a terror attack, readers will be provided with new, up to the second news coverage of catastrophic events as they unfold. It is thought that readers will be able to collect tokens and receive a special terror ring binder folder to store the avalanche of news stories. The new service, dubbed "the eye in the storm", will include a dedicated "terror ticker" which will run across the top of every Guardian web page, keeping a tally of casualties on a second by second basis. A new improved text and email service will give readers "terror on the go". Most alarmingly, perhaps, is the decision to employ famous authors to act as "terror writers in residence". As and when atrocities happen, the likes of Martin Amis, Christopher Hitchens and Matthew Engel will reel off ponderous and turgid nonsense that will attempt to make sense of chaotic events. Other media organisations were following the Guardian's grisly lead today. The BBC has announced that it will be further enlarging its strap lines for terror attacks: they will now cover half the screen and flash alarmingly. Sky said they were keeping things as they are. It is thought, however, that all media organisations are preparing for "the big one" and are investing heavily in manpower and technology. Tonight critics accused the media as a whole of "turning terrorist atrocities in to some kind of perverse visual feast". Critics added that "normally fluent and sane reporters" were resorting to "ridiculous language and phoney facial expressions which suggested personal grief and torment". No one from the media was available for comment as they were all too busy covering terrorism. Related Articles Blunkett tells Bush to "let my people go" 9 Mar 2004 EXCLUSIVE: New House of Commons spying scandal uncovered 4 Mar 2004 Hutton to conduct inquiry into Clare Short 3 Mar 2004 1,000 new spies to be recruited in War on Public Opinion 28 Feb 2004 US military creates virtual Earth, finds terrorists, invades virtual France 24 Feb 2004
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