Dubya's Week: The president gets marinated
20 Mar 2004 by Malcolm Drury
Verbatim highlights of President Bush's handwritten daily journal for the week of March 14 to March 20, 2004. For the benefit of new readers, and as a reminder to old ones, we present the material as written, retaining the great man's unique style of grammar, syntax and punctuation. Only the many crossings-out are omitted, for the sake of clarity.
Sunday 14 MarchKerry says he wants a series of monthly debates with me so I phoned Cheney and said that's a good idea, maybe we should have a monthly debate every week, let's tell him OK, bring it on, I'm a good debater, I get reel marinated when I get going. Cheney said I think you mean animated and I said what's animals got to do with it, I know what I mean. Sometimes I wonder about his interlect. Anyway he said well I don't know, your good at reading speeches and saying what we tell you but I'm not sure about a debate, you say some pretty stupid things when you go off on your own so I don't think you should get into a debate, you'll probbly lose. I said what stupid things and he said how about when you said you know how hard it is to put food on your family for instance, and I said what's wrong with that, I do know how hard it is.
Monday 15 MarchLooks like we're gonna have to do something about Spane, they just had elections and the new guy, Frank Zappa, says he's going to bring their troops home from Iraq unless the U of N takes charge there, he says we've made a mess of things, and me and Terry Blair lied. I said to Donny could we fire a few cruise missles at Zappa just to help him see sense, and he said no you can't do that, peeple would notice, we'll have to use diplomassy. I got reel mad at that and said cruise missles is the best diplomassy I know of.
Toosday 16 MarchBit of an embarassment, we've been caught out doing some fake news reports last year, seems some of our guys paid some actors to pretend they were journalists in news releases on the medicare law I sined, they pretended to praise the law and say things like it's good for everybody as if it was a reel news item. I asked Cheney if any of them Fox reporters we sent to Iraq was actors and he said it's better for you not to know. He's always telling me that.
Wensday 17 MarchThat guy President Ahern was here, he gave Laura and me a big bowl of shamrocks, I said thanks, I didn't know they grew in Iceland and he said what do you mean, they're from Ireland, so I said oh, did you go to Ireland before you came here, and he said what again. Anyway I said thanks and I'd like to visit you when the ice melts over there, can't stand ice, I'm from Texas, and he just said what again. Don't think he speaks English too good, sure has a funny accent and he kept asking for a bottle of ginniss whatever that is.
Not much else happening today so tried to catch up on my e-male, lots of peeple write to me, I guess I'm reelly popular. Got lots of offers to add up to 3", I replied no thanks I'm already tall enough why do I need to add 3".
Tried them shamrocks for dinner but they tasted worse than spinich, made me feel sick and turn reel green.
Thersday 18 MarchGave speech to our troops back from Iraq in Kentucky to boost their morals, told them they done reel good. Got to wear my army jacket, Donny didn't want to let me but I said I'm commander in cheef not you and I'm the war president, so if you don't let me wear it I'll order you to get down and give me twenty push ups so he just said go ahead, what do I care, but your not wearing that general's hat. I think he's just jellous because he doesn't have an army jacket or general's hat.
Friday 19 MarchAnniversary of our invasion of Iraq, Donny, Cheney and Ashcroft came over to sellabrate. I asked them if we could have an invasion cake with a picture of Saddam on it and maybe some minitcher cruise missles for candles, but Donny said he didn't think that would be appropriet and besides he didn't have any minitcher cruise missles.
Fell asleep while we was talking about how to find bin Laden and Al Kayda and dreamt I was in Saddam's hole and it was smelly and dark and I was stuck head first. Started to pannik and woke up shouting get me out. Ashcroft said what's wrong and I said I was stuck in Saddam's hole. Cheney started to laff, tried to pretend he wasn't but I'm not stupid, I saw him, I don't know what was so funny, I could have suffercated in there.
Saterday 20 MarchDay off.
Donny came over to help me to work on my scrapbook where I keep my press clippings and photos of me in my flight suit and general's hat and stuff. We were doing reel good, I glued in all my pictures of Saddam after I caught him in, but then I got some glue on my hand and a photo of Janet Jackson got stuck to me and I panniked a bit, didn't want to ruin it, and while I was trying to flick it off I knocked the glue bottle over and it spilled all over the cat. Then the cat panniked and went even more crazy than usual, it jumped up on Donny's head and bit him and got glue in what's left of his hair. One of the security guys had to cut the gluey part out, now he has an even bigger bald spot, Donny that is, not the security guy, with cat teeth marks in it, and it made him upset so he went home in a huff.
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Look at this, moron.