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| You have been flattened by: Home > News | 21st March |
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Hirst may sue school caretaker for copying his art31 Mar 2004 by Matt Knight
Part-time painter and decorator Damien Hirst has waded in to the dispute between a North London primary school and Britart contemporary Tracey Emin.
The new controversy centres on how and where the school are currently storing the "Emin quilt". In an all too believable and sadly predictable move, Hirst is claiming that an earlier work titled "Quilt in Orange Bag in Cupboard", which he produced for his graduate show in 1990, has been copied by the school's caretaker, Leonard Skipton, who is responsible for cupboards. Hirst's original piece was never shown publicly but was praised by the then director of the Tate Gallery, Sir William Pagoda, who claimed the piece represented: "The inverted paradox of consumerism and the erections of guilt in the 20th century which is defined by a kind of claustrophobic menace and wetness. But a wetness that is somehow dry. This runs parallel to the idea that we are all made of glass and contrary to the process of conflagration that seeks to undermine the belt that props up the belly of western civilisation. "Hirst is suggesting that we are all on the final hole of that belt. And what happens when that belt buckle buckles? The trousers fall down and we are left exposed to a kind of hairy thicket of nebulous shame that perversely exults like a scatological hosepipe wrested from the grip of a fireman who has lost his wife and mother in a blaze caused by the mendacious actions of his alter ego." Earlier today Mr Skipton, 75, simply responded: "Listen guv, I just dumped a blooming bag in a cupboard. Alright!" It is believed that Hirst has instructed the police to investigate the offending cupboard to determine whether there has been a breach of copyright laws. Jay Jopling, the owner of the trendy White Cube gallery in Hoxton, North London, fainted earlier today when the economic possibilities of promoting an Emin piece within a copy of a Hirst work suddenly dawned on him. He told DeadBrain art critic Douggie Ramsbottom: "Man! It was like when I heard John Taylor and Robert Palmer were forming The Power Station. I've been incontinent ever since! Er...which helps in this business." The world was split on what to make of today's events. Friends in the art world, who also double up as critics, tamely regurgitated the line that Hirst and Emin are geniuses who continue to provoke and disturb. The rest of the world agreed that they were much like old rockers with absolutely nothing new to sing or say, but plenty of shit to rehash in order to prop up a sagging bank balance and prolong their current lifestyle. Jenny Hopkins, a history teacher at the primary school, spoke for many when she explained: "They're like Spandau Ballet. They were rubbish then and they're rubbish now." When DeadBrain asked Tracey Emin to comment she screwed her face up to look like a clenched fist and said: "You can all cack off, you're all a bunch of funts." Hirst did say something, but no one could understand him. He then disappeared in to a toilet cubicle with Keith Allen and some other hanger-on.
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