Dubya's Week: Still no free toaster

Sunday 11 April

On vacashun at the ranch.

Didn't sleep well, dreamt that Al Kayda found my choclit Easter bunny and et it, so got up early and woke Laura to ask her where she'd hid it but she just said go back to sleep it's only 6 in the a of m. So I went to look for it but couldn't find it. Got the security guys out of bed to help but they said no that's not our job. Notissed that they all had choclit around their mouths so I said you've et it haven't you, just like you et my Chrismass choclit, and one of them said well yes, we had to, we had to check it wasn't poisenous. So I said well was it and he said it could have been, we all feel sick now.

They didn't even save me a Smartie.

Monday 12 April

On vacashun.

Hosney M. Barrak, head guy of Egypt, came to visit, I said welcome to Texas, Hosney, sorry about the flies, what's the M stand for, my middle initial stands for dubya. He said what and I said what and he said I don't understand. So I said never mind, how's things in Egypt these days, what's it like living in a pirramid, and he said what again. Sheesh, it's always the same with these forreners, they don't speak American, all they say is what after you try to be polite to them.

Anyway, we talked about our road map for the Middle East. I'm not reelly sure what it's all about but I think we want to build a highway to get oil and gas to America and we need a map to figger out the best way for it to go.

Toosday 13 April

Cheney phoned from China, woke me up, I said why are you phoning now it's only 5 in the a of m, he said not here it isn't. So I said what do you want, he said he'd seen on CNN that we'd releesed that presidential briefing we declassificated at the weekend, he was just checking that I hadn't said anything stupid to the press about it, so I said first of all what makes you think I would say anything stupid and third of all, I only told them that I didn't have any intelligence before 9-11. So he said OK, no problem, they'll beleeve that.

Went on TV to give speech and anser questions from press. Gave them the ususal stuff. Think I did good, except for one question, the guy asked me if I'd made any mistakes since 9-11. Had to think fast, was going to say yeah, having Cheney as running mate, but dissided not to, so I said you shoulda rote that question in advance so I could figger out the anser, I can't think of anything, next question.

Wensday 14 April

Thought Sharon Stone was coming to visit, I got reel excited, even put on some of that special kalone that I usually only wear when Sherry Blair is coming. Think Laura was a bit suspishus, but what the heck. Anyway, it turned out to be Ariel Sharon. He said he wanted to keep his assets in the West Bank, I said OK, I understand, but how about transferring them all to the Texas State Bank and Tractor Emporium, that's where I got all my assets, you get a check book with a reel imitashun leather cover and a safety deposit box and a nice tractor of the month photo, all for one low monthly fee. Didn't mention that if I sine him up as a customer there I get a free toaster, boy, I reelly want one of them, they look reelly sharp. He looked kinda puzzled for a while then said OK, George, thanks for the suggestion, you're a grate help as usual, but I think I'll keep things as they are.

Don't think I'll ever get that toaster, I can't seem to sine anybody up.

Thersday 15 April

Didn't sleep too good, racking my branes trying to think of any mistakes I've made since 9-11 but still couldn't come up with anything.

Friday 16 April

Terry Blair here, told him he done reel good supporting us in Iraq and he said thank you very much sir, if there's anything else I can do just ask. Asked him if Sherry had come with him, haven't seen her for a long time and I still dream about her, didn't tell him that, though. He said no, she was busy back home. Darn, and I wore some of that kalone again and I know Laura was suspishus this time, she said you smell like a Chineese brothel, and I said how do you know what a Chineese brothel smells like. I guess now she'll have a headache for another week.

Anyway, I asked Terry if I'd done right letting Sharon keep his assets in the West Bank and he said absolutely, your always right sir and I agree with everything you do. What a grate guy, so polite, too, I'm reel glad he's my deputy in the U of K, I'll defanitly keep him on after the election.

Saterday 17 April

Day off and a good thing too, I needed a rest, got a bit of a cold and it's hard work trying to understand them forreners, even Terry.

Donny called and said he would come over and I could help him with his axis of evil stamp collection, said he wanted to sort a lot of loose ones, so I said OK. When he got here he said could you sort out all them from Iraq, so I said OK and got started but then I suddenly sneezed and a lot of them got blown into the fire, not my fault, he shouldn't have put the table so close. He said you imbassil, some of them stamps was valuable, I had some that had Saddam's head printed upside down, can't replace them, he destroyed all the rest and he ortagraffed mine when I used to visit him. So I said I'm reelly sorry, please don't go home in a huff this week, and he said well OK, but only because your not feeling well, so he put what was left of his stamps away and we just watched TV instead.