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Referendum to go ahead, say sources
Downing Street aides have today privately confirmed to DeadBrain that Tony Blair intends to hold a referendum on the most pressing issue facing modern Britain. Douglas Ramsbottom, speaking on strict condition of anonymity, told our reporter: "It's been all over the Daily Mail now, so we can't possibly ignore it any more. With a matter of such importance, we've decided that the British public must be consulted, and so Tony has decided to go to the polls and announce a referendum on whether David Beckham really has been doing some European integration on the sly."
Leaders of the main political parties have reacted warmly to the hints that a referendum may take place. A spokesman for Charles Kennedy, who was unable to speak directly to our reporters due to a mysterious bout of anaemia and twin puncture wounds to the neck, said that the Liberal Democrats "welcomed" the proposal, adding that they "would request an extra penny in the pound on Max Clifford's income, to pay for a better education for Sun journalists, enabling them to cope with words of more than two syllables".
Michael Howard, speaking from the new Conservative HQ in his Westminster crypt, said, "Obviously we have been calling for his referendum since we suspected there might be some votes in it, and at last the Prime Minister has given in to our demands. The Conservative party is opposed to anything cooked up by those Frenchies, as the garlic gives me awful trouble. I must go and have a good lie down now though, as I think there was rather too much whisky in my last meal".
The media has reacted to the news with its customary restraint and unbiased reporting. The Daily Mail led with "Tell that trollop where to get off our Becks: how foreign affairs can drive your house price down", the Sun reads "Sleazy Senorita wants her box ticked", and the Beano has run with the story "European constitution may be ready in June (if Gnasher would just let go of Belusconi's leg)".
Last night David Beckham's solicitor issued a statement on behalf of the star, reading simply "**** off".
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