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Photos of President Bush banned "to protect relatives"
23 Apr 2004
The Pentagon has tonight issued a ban on all photographs of President Bush appearing in the American media on the grounds that they may upset his relatives. According to an unnamed military spokesman, President Bush Junior's father, President Bush Senior, suffers bouts of "severe anxiety" whenever his son is in close proximity to media personnel, while his mother, Mrs Bush, complains of hot flushes and a feeling of "massive embarrassment" if he appears on television. "It was therefore decided that we would save them any more trouble with their health and keep the President out of the public eye," he said. "There's nothing more to it than that."
However, our source in the White House suggests that there may be a more sinister, political motive behind the Pentagon's ban. "The ban came straight from the top and the only health it concerned was the health of the Bush administration," the source said. "It started after the President's most recent press conference: his advisors were worried that he appeared less than competent in handling the media. I believe one of them said he looked like a total buffoon, or words to that effect."
"Anyway," he continued, "they decided that the only way Bush is going to win re-election is if the public see as little of him looking undignified as possible. It's fine if he wants to be the war president, but if he can do it from a concrete bunker deep underground then all the better."
Mr Bush's rival for the presidency, John Kerry, is said to be considering a challenge under the Freedom of Information Act "in the public interest".
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