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Blair to host new ITV chat show
In an attempt to gain more public support - something which seems to have abandoned him in the recent weeks/months/years - the Prime Minister has decided to host a new ITV chat show called 'Blairoy'. The show will be aired every week and will feature a new topic of discussion each time.
"We believe the show will give Mr Blair a chance to once again regain the trust of his voters," said a Downing Street spokesman, announcing the move this morning. "The Prime Minister is also very keen to point out that the show will be aired exclusively on ITV and not on the BBC."
Responding later to questions from the press, the spokesman disregarded rumours that the show will be a blatant copy of Kilroy, the BBC's popular chat show which reached a controversial end earlier this year. "This isn't just some dig at the BBC, Mr Blair is both mature enough and confident enough to put that business behind him and concentrate firmly on his career as a chat show host," he said. "I'm also pleased to announce that the Prime Minister will be doing a duet with Trisha later this week."
The spokesman also firmly denied that the Blairoy studio will be shaped like the House of Commons. "Mr Blair wants to escape the image of a Prime Minister who's out of touch with his public. Instead, he wants to convey the idea that he's a 'groovy' young man who has a deep and meaningful relationship with his voters."
The show will apparently cover a wide range of topics, from adultery and racism to the European Union and immigration, although the spokesman was keen to point out that this wasn't just a way of helping Mr Blair reach decisions concerning government policies. He also denied that later topics might include the liberation of Iran and whether it's right to cheat in elections. "There's no truth to that, and neither is there any truth to there being cabinet ministers in the audience."
After this the spokesman became increasingly nervous, our reporter noted. "And before any of you suggest it, this isn't some scheme to create a new televised House of Commons without the Tory party or those annoying liberal Democrats." A few whispers and concerned looks later, the spokesman was escorted from the room and later disappeared from public view.
When questioned this afternoon the Prime Minister refused to confirm or deny rumours that former Cabinet members Clare Short, Mo Mowlam and Robin Cook would be among the first guests on the show in a programme called "I've gone bonkers and you can't believe a word I ever said".
In related news, Robert Kilroy-Silk is rumoured to be standing for the UK Independence Party in the forthcoming European elections after the BNP branded his views "too extreme".
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Look at this, moron.
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