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Paltrow baby name a hoax say tabloid editors

15 May 2004

Tabloid newspaper editors have today hit out at Gwyneth Paltrow after she allegedly named her newborn daughter "Apple Blythe Alison Martin". According to Des Kelly, the acting editor of the Daily Mirror, neither Ms Paltrow nor her husband, Chris Martin, "will get us that easily".

"Yes, we may have been taken in by those 'abuse' photographs, but they were elaborate hoaxes," he told DeadBrain. "This is just ridiculous, nobody would name their child that. We're not that gullible."

Fellow tabloid editor Rebekah "Kah-kah-kah" Wade of the Sun was similarly sceptical. "I'm not even convinced that it's a girl," she said. "I want to see proof that it's not a boy before we print anything. And as for the name, how stupid do you think I am?"

DeadBrain's reporter was promptly removed from the Sun's offices following that last remark in mysterious circumstances.

A source close to the happy parents meanwhile insisted that they genuinely had named their unfortunate daughter Apple Blythe Alison Martin following a sponsorship deal with Del Monte. However, our reporter declined an offer to take copies of photographs she supplied on the grounds that the baby "could have been anyone" and "wasn't dirty enough".

Nappy manufacturer Pampers declined to comment on whether a further sponsorship deal had been done.

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