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Panorama causes panic among stupid people

17 May 2004

Hundreds of stupid people were last night sent into a state of blind panic after the BBC broadcasted clips of a simulated terrorist attack on London. The scenes, which included clouds of gas and mock news reports, were shown as part of an edition of the Panorama programme that was intended to show how unprepared Britain is for a major terrorist attack. Despite the footage being interspersed with discussion from a variety of experts and Michael Portillo, along with repeated captions saying that the news clips were fictional, the BBC has received over 140 complaints.

"I was channel-hopping last night and I saw what I thought were reports about a terrorist attack on London," said one Hammersmith resident. "I didn't hang about, I hot-footed it down to my cellar straight away. It's the safest place, you see, especially with poison gas about. It was only when the kids came down for breakfast in the morning that I realised it wasn't real."

Another viewer was equally concerned. "It took me a good ten minutes to realise that it was only a mock," she wrote in an email to the BBC's complaints department. "I don't know what passes for humour at the BBC these days but this certainly wasn't funny – I didn't laugh once. Terrorist attacks are no laughing matter and you should refrain from making silly jokes out of them."

A spokesman for the BBC apologised for any confusion the programme may have caused viewers, and assured our reporter that in future a warning would be broadcast before such programmes advising any stupid people watching to turn over to ITV.

In related news, a government simulation which was designed to reassure the public that everything possible is being done to prepare Britain's emergency services for the event of a terrorist attack last night ended in acrimony after the public branded it "thoroughly unrealistic". Responding to the public's concerns, the Home Secretary said that the BBC was "totally irresponsible" in showing how vulnerable we are since it might "give the terrorists ideas" or lose Labour the forthcoming elections.

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