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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · John Prescott |
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| You are disappointed to see: Home > News | 15th March |
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 Bush vows decisive action against freedom-hating meteor3 June 2004 by Malcolm Drury
US President "Boy" George W. Bush today promised swift, decisive and ruthless action after bright flashes and loud booms were reported in the skies over a wide area of Washington State in the western USA in the early hours of this morning, local time. The explosions prompted Attorney General John "Darth Vader" Ashcroft to raise the terror alert to red, its highest possible level.
Scientists believe the explosions were the result of a meteor breaking up as it entered the Earth's atmosphere, but the Bush administration appears to be taking no chances. Air Force fighters were scrambled within minutes of the first report of the explosions, and the whole of the western USA air space has been declared off limits to commercial aircraft indefinitely. All military leave has been cancelled within the USA and National Guard units in the western part of the country have been placed on high alert. President Bush is understood to have recorded a message to the nation, before leaving on a planned trip to Europe on the heavily-armed Air Force One. It is believed he said in his message, which is to be shown nationwide later today, "The Yanide States o' Merica will take every necessary action to protect itself against unprovoked attacks by freedom-hating meteors. We will not rest until these evildoers have been brought to justice. Good luck, God bless, and see you later." Vice President Dick "Head" Cheney is believed to have been rushed to an undisclosed secure location, although a White House official refused to confirm or deny this. Speaking to reporters before entering a bunker deep beneath Capitol Hill, Mr. Bush's National Security Advisor, Condoleezza Rice, said that there had been no prior intelligence reports to indicate a possible meteor attack. She also said the resignation of George Tenet, Director of the CIA, had nothing to do with this apparent intelligence failure. Related Articles UK bans condoms after Blair attack 20 May 2004
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