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All D-Day memorials cancelled following Reagan death
5 Jun 2004
The former US President, Ronald Reagan, has died, it was announced this evening, casting a shadow over this weekend's D-Day anniversary. Across America and the world at large, millions of people broke down in tears upon hearing the sad news.
Particularly affected were those in Russia, who developed a deep love of Reagan following his negotiations with Mikhail Gorbachev, which led to perestroika and the collapse of the Soviet Union. "Without Reagan the economic crisis our country was plunged into in the 1990s would never have happened. He worked so hard to make the oil price fall to put the pressure on us," said Gregory T Mulletovitch, a Moscow resident. "We're all so grateful, we'll miss him terribly."
In France, authorities announced that tomorrow's planned D-Day memorials would be cancelled. "Compared to Ronald Reagan, D-Day meant nothing," said a spokesman. "It really does pale into comparison. It would be insensitive for us to carry out the planned events for tomorrow following such a terrible loss."
Protestors at RAF Fylingdales in North Yorkshire meanwhile laid down their placards tonight as a mark of respect. "Without Reagan planting missiles all over Europe and starting the Star Wars programme we would have no reason to be here," one said. "It doesn't seem right to carry on."
A visibly upset Michael Howard said it was "so sadly ironic that he should have died as we are celebrating the anniversary of D-Day considering the huge part he played in it." Mr Howard went on to recount how this "towering figure" – together with Margaret Thatcher – had led Allied troops into battle across the Channel from his base in Hollywood, where he stayed throughout the war.
Failed Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein™ was also said to be saddened by Reagan's death. "Ronald was a good friend to me, he was always very prompt with arms shipments," he told his interrogator, who responded by saying that he didn't care where the arms had come from, just where they went. Saddam added that he knew the US was running out of bullets but whatever he had left would not keep the American soldiers going for long.
The mujahideen fighters, whose financing and training Reagan organised, threatened to shoot any journalist who approached them for comment.
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