Dubya's Week: Whatever became of Doris Day?

Sunday 6 Joon

Went to some place in France for Doris Day's 60th annaversarry sellabrations but it turned out it wasn't about Doris after all but a how we libberated the French in dubya dubya 2, didn't see Doris anywhere.

Spotted Queen [Elizabeth II - Ed.] sitting a few seats away from me so shouted hi, it's me, over here, but she didn't hear me so I whistled and waved my arms but she still didn't hear me. So I went over to her after the serammony. I said hi, how ya doing, I reelly enjoyed staying with you last year, sorry about the curtains, you look different, what is it, new teeth, and she just bit her lip and said oh it's you, sorry, must go, I've just realised I forgot to lock the car. Dook of Ellington was with her, he said I see your still a barmy bugger. What a grate guy, so frendly, wish I knew what he was talking about though.

Monday 7 Joon

Back home in the good old US of A. Found out the guys have started planning a state funeral for Ronny Raygun, so I said why only a state one, it should be a fedral one and let's have it in Washington, so they said what a grate idea, wish we'd thought of it, we'll get right on it. Sheesh, you have to be on top of everything when your president.

Condi phoned to say gess what Rumsfeld's done now, I said what, and she said well he had a report done that said if you order somebody to torcher somebody they can't be prossycuted. She said it looks like he's getting ready to put all the blame for them Iraq torchers on you and say he was only following orders, I'd fire him if I were you, let me take over his job.

Toosday 8 Joon

First day of this G8 summit. Had privet meetings with Shroder and Putin, told them this is an election year for me and I want to look good so stop arguing with me about Iraq, I'm reel low in the poles and I might be looking for somebody else to libberate if you take my meaning, remember I'm the war president. Putin said yeah, just you try it bub, you don't scare me, so I said you don't scare me either, and he said I bet I do, and I said do not, and he said do so, and we went on like that for a while until one of my guys came in and said it's time for your nap sir.

Wensday 9 Joon

I've had enough of Sheerac, thought he was finally on our side after he agreed to me and Terry Blair's U of N resiglution on Iraq soverannty yesterday, but when I said NATO should have a role in Iraq he said it shouldn't. Boy he reelly gets up my nose, maybe his underwear is too tight or something, he always has to argue. Anyway I paid him back later when we had a barbykew. It was reel funny to see him swatting moskeeters, he got bit reel good and looked reel miserable, so I said don't worry, it will only itch for two or three days and we're pretty sure there's not much west nile virus around here, there's only been a few cases and some of them survived, you'll probbly be OK. He went reel white and said I'm going back to my room so I said OK, the security guys should have caught that deddly snake by now, but watch out for the poisennus spiders.

Thersday 10 Joon

G8 still going on, I'm getting pretty bored, they keep going on about ekonomics and innernational affairs and stuff, I'd rather talk about Doris Day but nobody seems to know what became of her. Anyway, fell asleep, it was warm and Gerry Shroder was droning on about something or other. Dreamt Sheerac was chasing me with a giant baggette and I woke up screaming, wasn't quite sure what was going on so I hid under the table still screaming. Everybody went reel quiet and I heard somebody say don't worry, this happens all the time. Then I came to my senses, had to think reel quick, so I got back in my chair and said sorry guys, I dropped my pencil and thought I saw an allygater under the table but it was just Terry's legs. Think I got away with it but I'd like to know who it was said this happens all the time.

Friday 11 Joon

At Ronny Raygun's funeral. Got to thinking about what would happen if I don't get re-electrified in November, I'm reel low in the poles right now on account of all this torchering stuff. Clinton makes a lot of money giving speeches, I figger I could do the same, I'm a reel good communiciser, just like Ronny. Well, he isn't now.

Afterwards I said to Donny I'd like to have a funeral like this and he said we can arrange that, next month if you like, you just do your part. I said what do you mean and he said figger it out for yourself. He's getting reel uppity these days, maybe I will fire him and make Condi defens secraterry, that's if Laura will let me.

Saterday 12 Joon

Day off.

Dissided to do a bit of cleaning and deckerating, the oval offiss is getting a bit dirty, maybe we should stop barbykewing stakes in it when it's raining, so I got the stepladder and some paint out and called Donny to come over and help. He didn't want to but I said you eat as many stakes as anybody, probbly more, so get over here. So he came and we got started, he was painting the walls and I worked on the seeling. We were doing OK until I accidently dropped my brush on his head, and it left a long white streek. I started laffing and he said what are you laffing at it's not funny, and I said you look like a skunk, so he said another bad word and went home in a huff.