Dubya's Week: The mystery of the Jessica Molinsky pages

Monday 21 Joon

Reelly excited about that privet spaceship that went into space today, boy, I'd reelly like a ride in it, it looks pretty easy to drive, so I asked one of the guys to try to get me an astranort hat and suit.

Saw on Fox news that Iranistan has capchered some of Terry Blair's boats so I phoned Terry and said do you need any help, we've got a few smart bomms that are near their sell by date, won't stay smart much longer, there yours if you want them, you don't have to pay for them, and I could come over in that privet spaceship when the guys get me my astranort hat and suit and drop them for you, I'm the war president. Terry said thanks for the offer, I can always rely on you to come up with a grate idea but that's OK, we'll sort it out ourselves, don't want to put you to any trouble.

Toosday 22 Joon

In reel big trouble with Laura today. I got Clinton's ortabiograffy and started reading it but it's reel boring, no pirets or cowboys or anything. Tried to find the bits about Jessica Molinsky but the pages were missing, I said what happened to them, it's a misterry, and Laura said I can't imajen, somebody must have tore them out, probbly don't want you getting ideas. I wasn't thinking straight and before I could stop my brane I said I would only get ideas if it was Sherry Blair. Then Laura said oh is that right, well let me tell you bub there aren't enough aspirrins in the world to cure this headache that's suddenly come on, I bet I still have it at Chrissmas, and she stormed out. Boy, me and my big mouth, it's gonna take more than a bunch of crismathenums and a box of choclits to sort this one out. Hope Sherry's with Terry in Turkistan next week, though.

Had a bit of time to spare later, Donny and Cheney said you don't need to come to Cabinet meeting, we can handle it, so I said OK, they're pretty boring, Ridge likes to drone on and on, I'll do some more work on my ortabiograffy, gotta catch up with Clinton. So I started riting about when me and Buzz Aldrin landed on the moon and I said that's a small step for me but too big a step for the commies, in your face, we beat you here. Showed it to Cheney later and he said what have I told you, rite about what you reelly did not what you think you did, you haven't been to the moon, I know your loony but that's different, don't bother me with any more of your made up stuff, it's hard enough to deal with your reality.

Wensday 23 Joon

Reelly emmbarressed today, we've had to back down at the U of N on getting our guys exemptified from prossycution by that Innernational Criminal Court because of all that torchering business, it just won't go away. Bet Sheerac and Shroder are having a good laff, well I'm not exemptifying them from a bit of good old US prossycution with a cruise missle or two if they say anything. It's all that Coffee Annan's fault, how does he expect I can win the war on terror by November and get re-electrified if he keeps interfering, well I hope he's happy when Iranistan drops a nucular bomm on the U of N.

Anyway I phoned Donny to say we gotta do something about the U of N, I've had enough of it, I want a plan to take out its headkworters, that should teach it a lesson. I said I'll phone you at the weekend. He made a reelly wierd noise, I said what's wrong, sounds like your laffing and choking at the same time, and he said no it's OK and hung up, still making that noise. I think he's losing it.

Thersday 24 Joon

Interviewed by one of them prossycuters that are trying to find out who broke the cover of that CIA agent whose husband rote a report that said there was no evidence that Saddam had tried to buy nucular stuff from Africa after I'd said he did, Saddam, I mean, not the report guy. I said it wasn't me, I've never broken any covers, tore a cushion cover once but that's about it for covers. He said well do you know who did do it then, and I said sure, I know who rote that report, we all do, but I don't know who tried to buy stuff from Africa, you'll have to ask Saddam about that. Then he said OK, thanks, that's all I need but as he was leaving he muttered something under his breath, didn't quite catch it, sounded like the only leak about you is your brane.

Friday 25 Joon

Went to Ireland for some kind of summit with the Yoorapeens. Good flight, saw Finding Nemo, hoped it would give me some clues about how to find bin Laden but it didn't reelly. Met by that Irish guy who came over to the US of A in March, Barry Ahoy or whatever, the one who gave me a big bowl of shamrocks. I said hi Barry, good to see you again, me and Laura reelly enjoyed them shamrocks you brung. Thought it best in the interests of innernational diplomassy not to tell him they made me feel sick, maybe we just didn't cook 'em right. He said what and I thought oh no, here we go again, all these forreners can say is what.

Saterday 26 Joon

Got up early to phone Donny to ask about that plan to take out the U of N headkworters, he said do you know what time it is and I said sure it's ate in the a of m, why, is your watch broke, and he said it might be ate where you are but it's three here. I said never mind that, have you done that plan to take out the U of N headkworters and he said no, of course not. So I said what do you mean, and he said I didn't think you were seerious, do you know where the headkworters are, and I said sure I do, Janeeva. He said no, New York, don't you know anything, so I said don't you talk to me like that, just do as your told or I'll give Condi your job, I've been thinking about that for a while, she's here with me right now, what do you think Condi, and then he said a lot of bad words and hung up in a huff.

Don't think I'll ever figger this Yoorapeen time out, not sure whether it's today or yesterday, bet it's the French that invented it.