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Bush wears vest - world in shock
27 Jun 2004
The world continued to be in shock today after yesterday's surprise revelation that President Bush wears vests. This astonishing fact came to light after an Irish cameraman filmed Mr Bush wearing the aforementioned article of clothing at his hotel window during the summit between the US and the EU in Ireland. It is understood that the cameraman has been flown to Guantanamo Bay for questioning following the incident, which a spokesman condemned as a "dangerous security breach" whilst denying it ever happened.
Dr Douglas Ramsbottom, a world authority on the history of vests, told DeadBrain that the incident was unprecedented. "This is truly shocking, the last known occurrence of an American President wearing a vest was JFK in 1962, and we all know what happened to him," he said. "As I say, it's unprecedented and we should all be very shocked."
Opponents of Mr Bush have dismissed his wearing of a vest as a political stunt designed to win votes. "I know for certain that Mr Bush is not a dedicated vest-wearer, in fact he has been deliberately depriving the American vest manufacturing industry of much-needed custom since he was a child," said a spokesman for John Kerry's campaign. "Contrast that to John Kerry's vest-wearing credentials, which are not in doubt: he's been wearing vests continuously since before he fought in Vietnam."
Conspiracy theorists were meanwhile quick to point out that the British Prime Minister and close friend of Mr Bush, Tony Blair, is also known as a keen wearer of vests. This, they argue, is evidence of a secret plot to overthrow the non-vest-wearing masses of the Middle East in a holy crusade without any real necessity. "This is shocking and unprecedented," said arch conspiracy theorist Gregory T Mullet. "Actually, no it isn't, they've done this before and just not told us about it. It's still shocking, though. I mean it's not the Iraqis' fault that they don't wear vests – it's too damn hot there!"
The White House has denied that the President's wearing of a vest holds any particular significance; that he has in any way secret links with anti-vest factions within the United States; and that he and Mr Blair are plotting yet another war, all to universal disbelief.
Tellingly, at a press conference this morning Mr Bush's spokesman was unable to explain why all pictures of Mr Bush wearing a vest have been banned. Asked whether there was any cause for concern that the United States was slipping into an era of Soviet-style vest censorship and dragging the rest of the world with it, the spokesman winked and walked out.
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Wow, look at this!
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