Dubya's Week: George and the Amazing Brain Machine

Sunday 18 Jooly

Donny phoned, he said he'd had a grate idea. Seems there's a new way of dissiding whether somebody is lying or not, it's a masheen that reads your brane waves to see what you remember about stuff, they use it to test criminnals. I said so what and he said well why don't you try it, they could ask you emmbaressing questions like did you intend to invade Iraq even before 9-11, and your brane being what it is there would be no respons, it would look like you reelly didn't intend to do that. I said what do you mean, my brane is reel sharp, and he coffed and choked then said er, well that's what I mean, it's so sharp that you would be able to control it without even thinking, so it wouldn't give a respons. So I said thanks for the condiment but I'm just afraid that my brane is so powerful it would blow the masheen up. Donny coffed and choked again and said oh I don't think there's any danger of that. So I said well let me think about it, and by the way you should take something for that cold.

Monday 19 Jooly

President of Chilly was here to visit, couldn't remember his name, thought he said he was legless and I said boy, you can't tell, them artyfishal legs are reel lifelike these days. I said what are they made of, plastic or wood, and kicked one of them to see. He screamed and said what did you do that for and I said well you told me your legless and he said no, I'm Lagos. I said sorry, I was reelly confused. He muttered something, didn't quite catch it, sounded like so what's new.

Anyway dissided there wasn't much point talking to him, them African countries aren't important, so used the oppertunity of the press conference to start soffening peeple up ready for when we have to go ahead and libberate Iranistan, I said it looks like Al Kayda is living there and they probbly had a role in 9-11 and peeple there are not allowed to exersize their rights as human beings. Lagos said what, like Guamnatnamo Bay, and I said just keep your nose out of our bisness or I'll kick the other leg. Gotta show these forreners who's boss.

Toosday 20 Jooly

Saw on Fox news that Hallyburton might have been working illegally in Iranistan when Cheney was head of it, Hallyburton that is, not Iranistan, so I phoned him and said what do you know about it, I don't want any embbarrasment, I might have to dump you if there is. He said I don't know nothing about it and I wasn't never involved, and that's the absolute truth, so I said OK, thanks, that's good enough for me.

Wensday 21 Jooly

Donny phoned in a pannik, he said the milaterry is running out of money, it can't afford to stay in Affganistan and Iraq much longer, never mind going in to libberate Iranistan, and Hallyburton has threttened to seeze all our tanks in Iraq and sell them to the highest bidder, even Iranistan, if we don't pay their bill. I said how much do you need and he said about twelve billion. I said well we'll just cut taxes some more to stimerlate the economy, trust in Bushonomics, and we'll soon have it. He said boy, what a truly grate idea, just what I would expect to come from your brane, but I don't think it's gonna get us twelve billion by October, that's when the money will run out. I said well with a brane like mine ideas are bound to be grate, that's why I wouldn't want to use that brane masheen you was on about on Sunday, I would probbly brake it. He said yeah you probbly would but not in the way your thinking. No idea what he meant by that but I said anyway, just put the rest of the bills on your credit card and we'll settle up when the twelve billion does come in. Then he kinda coffed and choked and gave a little scream and hung up. Think he said a bad word first, no idea why he would do that.

Thersday 22 Jooly

That commishun that's been looking into my intelligence issued its report. Bit dissapointed, it didn't mention any of the ansers I gave when I appeered before it back in April, gess it was because they were all secrit. Anyway it said it's not my fault I don't have any intelligence and it said we should have an intelligence zarr. I asked Ridge what a zarr is and he said it's what they used to have in Russia to run things so I said no way, why would we put a commy in charge of our intelligence, that doesn't make any sens.

Friday Jolly 23

Got to thinking about that brane masheen, maybe I should make Condi and Cheney try it out so I can figger out which of them's the smartest, then whoever it is can be my running mate. So I called Cheney and told him about it and he said you don't want Condi as running mate, she'll probbly just go off and start having babies. I said good point, OK I'll stick with you for now, I wouldn't want to emmbaress you by proving I'm a lot smarter than you anyway. Then he coffed and choked and hung up, he must have caught Donny's cold.

Saterday 24 Jooly

Day off.

Phoned Donny and said it's a grate day, how about we go for a hike, and he said OK so I said I'll come and pick you up in the essyavee [presumably SUV - Ed.]. So I did that and we headed off for the hills. Took a rong turn somewhere and nearly ended up in the ocean, but we got there evencherly and got ready to set off. I said you'd better use this moskeeter repellerant. He said thanks and began to spray himself and then he said a reelly, reelly bad word, same one as Cheney, and said what is this stuff? Then I realised it wasn't moskeeter repellerant but that evil smelling stuff we spray on the garbidge when we put it out to keep the cat and raccoons off. He said you moron, can't you ever do anything right, this is disgusting, I can't go hiking smelling like this, take me home. So we went home, and he just sat in the back of the essyavee in a huff, muttering bad words.

Had to keep the windows open all the way, boy he reelly stank.