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| You have been drawn towards: Home > News | 18th March |
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Records suggest Bush failed kindergarten10 Sep 2004 by Malcolm Drury
Newly released documents suggest presidential candidate and current incumbent "Boy" George W. Bush failed to complete kindergarten after being suspended as crayon monitor and requesting a transfer to a different project.The documents, consisting of school records and memos from Mr Bush's kindergarten teacher, the late Muriel K. Ramsbottom, were released earlier today by yet another group, Teachers for Truth. They were apparently found among Ms Ramsbottom's personal papers. It appears that the young Bush's road to failure began in his junior kindergarten year. A memo from Ms Ramsbottom to the school principal reveals what appears to have been a behavioural problem. "May 4, 1950. I ordered little George to stand down from handing out the wax crayons due to his continuing failure to stop eating the red ones as ordered and refusal to take an intelligence test." In his senior kindergarten year the young Bush apparently decided he wanted to switch projects. A memo to file from Ms Ramsbottom explains: "October 8 1951. George Bush came to see me. Said he didn't like finger painting and wanted to switch to something else. I agreed as I had never been able to get across to him the concept that finger painting doesn't mean painting your fingers or those of your classmates." DeadBrain has been unable to find any record of what the young George actually switched to, and in fact there appears to be a six-month gap in his senior kindergarten year during which his activities are largely unknown. However, an unsigned document found among Ms Ramsbottom's papers may shed some light. It appears that the young George may have developed a drinking problem at that time. The document, apparently a draft letter to George's father, alleges that during that period the boy was drinking as many as twelve bottles of school-supplied milk a day and as a result was often incapacitated for most of the day, spending it sleeping in a corner of the classroom in between bouts of speaking to some imaginary friend he called Dick. DeadBrain has been unable to confirm the validity of the allegation or whether a letter to that effect was ever sent to the senior George Bush. Another memo to file reveals that, in spite of all the failures and problems, Ms Ramsbottom had been under intense pressure by the school principal to give George a positive report. "I was told that the boy's father is very influential and we should give George a glowing report. I said I can't sugar coat it - the boy still can only speak in gibberish, he gets glue in his hair and he gets lost at least once a day - and that's in the classroom. I daren't let him go to the toilet alone, he would probably never find his way back" A White House spokesman later told reporters that Mr Bush did, in fact, return to the school as a teenager to complete kindergarten and was subsequently given an honourable discharge and a lollypop.
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