Dubya's Week: The president's world-famous erection

Sunday 12 September

Still ahead in the poles, so started making a list of peeple we should keep on. Gess I'll be stuck with Cheney but he's gonna have to wash his mouth out with soap if he keeps on using that bad word, that's what mom used to do to me. Ackcherly, now I come to think of it she used to do it to me even when I hadn't said anything, even when I was growed up and in the National Gard, it was reel embbarrasing going out with the guys for a few beers with soap bubbles coming out of my mouth and nose. Made the beer taste reel funny, too.

Anyway, to get back to who to keep, I'm not sure about Donny, he's reel wierd these days, well he's always been wierd but he's even more wierd now. If I do keep him he's gonna have to stop doing things like jumping up and down or rolling around on the carpet and trying to bite my legs whenever he gets mad, which seems to be every time I talk to him these days. Maybe I should dump him and get Arny Shwortsnegger. OK, I know he don't talk American reel good but when he gets them termanater weppons going he can fix things personnaly reel quick, maybe that's what we need in Iraq and Iranistan, we could save money too, wouldn't need as many troops, just let Arny do the job.

Toosday 14 September

Seems there's some new book out about me and my family, it says things like Laura used to sell marrywanna when she was at university and I used to have Coke at Camp David when dad was president. Well woopdedo, what's wrong with that, I had Pepsi and Dr Pepper too, they went reel good with them little cakes with the speshal secrit herb ingrediment that Laura used to make. Wierd cakes though, they made you more and more hungry the more you et.

She hasn't made any for years, maybe she can't get the speshal herb any more. Maybe the security guys would be able to get some for her, I'll tell them to ask her.

Wensday 15 September

Got to thinking about my leggacy to America for my next term, apart from being the best president ever, I figger maybe what I need is a big project, like Kennedy saying he was gonna go to the moon. Seems to me Kim Jungle might be on the right track even if he is a commy, he's doing something big in the North of Korea, there was a reel big bang there last week and they said they was blowing up a mounten. Maybe we should go for a reel big construction project here that we could name after me, like that dam that I gess was named after that President Henry Hoover, or was that the guy who invented vacuous cleaners. Anyway, I got the guys together and said start thinking, I want to have a giant world-famus erection that I can unvale and show to everybody and say just look at that, that's better than Hoover's or Kim Jungle's.

Then they just all started laffing and wouldn't stop, no idea why, even Condi and Ridge, never even seen them smile before. Sheesh, maybe after the election I should dump them all, that's if we have one.

Thersday 16 September

Boy I'm mad today, seems that National Intelligence Estimet in Jooly ackcherly said things aren't going as well in Iraq as I keep saying, there might even be a civil war there. I remember skimming over the summary of it, don't need the details, I'm the big pitcher guy, and it said everything was going OK, it even said Iraq had some stabillity and it was the best case.

So I got the guys in and said what's going on, are you trying to make me look stupid, and they all just stood there looking at each other until Ashcroft said well ackcherly what it said was the best case is that Iraq will have tennyuous stability. So I said exactly my point, that's want we want isn't it. And I said what's wrong with a civil war, that would mean we could free up our guys to libberate somewhere else unless we let Arny do it. Then they just stood there looking at each other again, only this time they had their mouths open and Condi's eyes were watering, hope she's not turning wierd too, until Ashcroft said well never mind that, do you know what tennyuous means and I said sure I do. I didn't reelly, at least I wasn't reelly sure, but I didn't want to tell them. Think it means, like, reel good or something. Tried looking it up in the dickshaneery just to be sure, but it wasn't in as usual.

Friday 17 September

Mad again today, some judge has ordered the Pentagon to release all the records from when I was in the National Gard, bet he's a libberal. Well they'd better not release the report on the incident with the plain, anybody could have made the same mistake, how was I to know it was a shopping mall parking lot and not the runway. Anyway we bought the guy a new car and got the plain out OK in spite of the dammidge.

Saterday 18 September

Day off.

Phoned Donny and said hey, I haven't been to the zoo for a long time, do you want to come with me, and he said OK, I'll meet you there. So I met him there, boy, he has a reel bad memory, whenever I meet him like that he always seems to have forgotten his money and I have to pay. Anyway we went in and looked at the hoppapitamusses and jiraffs, then we went to look at the monkeys. I said hey Donny, go stand by the cage and I'll take your photo. So he did, but while I was trying to remember how to use my digital camera the monkey put its arm through the cage and pulled what's left of Donny's hair, then it got his glasses and put them on and started jumping up and down just like Donny does when he's mad. I said boy, it look just like you and I laffed and laffed and he just glared at me, Donny that is, not the monkey, then said the Cheney word and went home in a huff without his glasses.

Managed to get a photo of it, hope it turns out, won't know until I get the digital film processed.