Dubya's Week: Joker George and the International Teeth of Terror

Sunday 19 September

After my nap I was kinda dozing and listening to Fox news and I was sure they said the Yoorapeens had beaten us in the gulf, not sure which one, probbly not the Gulf of Mexicans. Anyway I got on the phone to Donny and said OK I'm ortherizing a full scale attack on Yoorup, let's start with Sheerac, I bet he started it. Donny said that's a good joke George, OK I'll get on it as soon as I've fed my hamster. I said what do you mean joke, Sheerac beat us in the gulf, Fox said so and they're always right. Then Donny did that reel wierd coff and choking sound he userly does when I say something to him and evencherly he said golf, you imbassil, golf, they beat us at golf, and he hung up. Gotta get that TV fixed, it keeps saying the wrong thing and confusing me. Gotta get Donny fixed too, or at least his coff. Come to think of it he keeps confusing me too.

Monday 20 September

That big show off Kerry was on TV, he made all sorts of so-called jokes, well if they were jokes I didn't get any of them, like he said there's gonna be a hunnerd dollar penalty for saying nuclear instead of nucular. Well what's funny about peeple who can't talk proper, if they can't say nucular they shouldn't be penaltyized. Anyway I phoned Cheney and I said I want to go on TV, Fox is best, and tell some jokes. He said well do you know any and I said sure, nock nock, so he said who's there and I said George and he said George who and I said me. Then he was reel quiet for a long time, thought he musta gone to sleep, then he just said forget it, go to sleep George. Boy, he's just like the rest, won't let me do anything, no imajenation. Anyway I dissided that from now on I'll be funny and witty when I talk to peeple, speshally when I'm campaning.

Toosday 21 September

At the U of N today to give speech. That Coffee Annan was there, I pretended to be frendly but he's been saying it was illegal how we libberated Iraq, if he's not careful I'll libberate his teeth, see if he thinks that's illegal.

Later on met a bunch of states of head, I said some of you wouldn't give us any money to help Hallyburton, I mean help Iraq, well the doors are locked until you rite me a check, ha ha, just kidding. Secritly though I'd reelly like to libberate a few of their teeth as well their money, speshally Sheerac and that Spanish guy, Zappa, and Shroder..

Then the guys said I had to go meet the King of Prussia. I said sure, nice try guys but you don't catch me out, are you sure you don't mean Pitaly or Paffganistan or maybe Postria, that's where Parny Shworstnegger comes from, ha ha. They didn't get the joke at all, they just said it's a suberb of Philaphelphdia, just go there and read the speech and don't try to be funny. Sheesh, they have no sens of humer.

Wensday 22 September

Fell asleep on the way to somewhere in Penssilvanya. Dreamt I was on TV telling some reel funny jokes like the one about the chicken crossing the road but Sheerac and Zappa and Shroder and a bunch of other states of head from Yoorup came in riding on a golf cart and they didn't have any teeth and Sheerac said nock nock, gess who, and then they started chasing me so I ran away but their teeth were all waiting for me outside and they started trying to bite me. Woke up screaming but nobody notissed. When I came to my senses I said why didn't somebody come to help me, it was just a bad dream this time but what if it had been Sheerac's teeth or even Al Kayda for real. One of the security guys said good point, if it ever is for real just say the code bozo and we'll know to come to rescue you. I said that's a grate idea, thanks guys.

Friday 24 September

Did some more thinking about my cabinet after I win again. Laura said what about that Rice woman, are you going to get rid of her, and I said Condi, you mean, oh no, I reelly want her, she's reel speshul, gotta keep her reel close to me, might even dump you, and Laura said oh, is that right, well you might want to think that one over, bub and she stormed off. I said it was only a joke and she said yeah, look at me laffing at it. Hate to say it but sometimes she's as wierd as Donny, can't figger either of them out. Anyway, figgered I musta done something wrong again so sent the security guys off to Wal-Mart for the usual bunch of flowers and box of choclits. Et the choclits myself, though, figgered the flowers should do it, they looked reel good, the choclits, not the flowers, and the security guys had gone outside to see if there were any space aliens around they said. They userly take my choclits away from me, the security guys I mean, not the space aliens.

Slept on the couch, bedroom door was locked and Laura wouldn't let me in. Gess I shouldnt'a et the choclits after all.

Saterday 25 September

Day off.

Donny phoned and said I've dissided you should get a bit more culcher, so I'm gonna start by taking you to the art gallery. I said no your not, I'm gonna listen to my Tex Ritter see-dees and he said yeah, that's my point, I'll be round for you in ten minutes so be ready. So he came but I hid behind the curtens but he found me. Notissed Laura winking at him so I said did you tell him where I was and she said why would I do something like that, I just love it when you play those see-dees all day.

Anyway we went to the art gallery, it was reel boring and garbbidge, like there was one painting of watches melting and another that was just skwiggles. Donny said it was modern art. Sheesh! I said I don't know anything about art but I know what I like and I like hot dogs so let's go get some. So we went and I started skwirting musterd and ketchup and stuff on my plate, I said look, I can do modern art too, but then I sneezed and accidentally skwirted musterd on Donny. He said oh well done, that's another shirt you've ruined, and went off in a huff.

So I et his hot dog and then went to buy a Gene Ortry see-dee.