Dubya's Letters: Thanks for the socks but please don't embarrass me

Januerry 13 2005

Dear Mom and Dad:

Sorry it's taken so long to rite after Chrismass, I've been reel busy being on vacashun and stuff, anyway thanks for the socks and tie and Laura says thanks for the sent and the twins say thanks for the see dees. Jenna musta reelly liked hers, when she saw it she said oh like wow, like Andy Williams, like I just didn't like imajen Grandma and Granddad would like give me something like this. Hope you liked the sined photo of me in my flight suit and general's hat, I had to get it taken when Donny Rumsfeld wasn't looking, he won't userly let me wear them.

Anyway what I'm riting about is to say I hope you can make it to my innorgeration. I woulda phoned but Saddam has chewed through the wire again and the phone doesn't work properly, when I try it all I get is a voice saying if you don't stop calling me I'm gonna come over there and nail you to the wall. The cat I mean, chewed the wire, not the bad guy, he's not chewing much of anything these days.

Come to think of it I have to rite anyway to send you your innorgeration passes. They're in the front row. Well, ackcherly they're in an ennvelope, well they will be when I put them in, it's you who'll be in the front row. I hope you don't mind sitting next to Ridge, I had to invite him even though he's resined, and don't worry if he keeps jumping up and saying orange alert, we don't take much notiss of it now the electrification campane is over, it was useful then.

Just one thing, though, Mom, please don't emmbaress me this time by saying stuff in front of everybody like comb your hair and is that ketchup on your tie and are you sure you went to the bathroom, you won't be able to go in the middle of the seramonny. And Dad, please don't say things like stand up strate and make sure you get the words right, I've been practissing in front of a mirrer for the past two weeks and I'm pretty sure I know them now so don't worry.

I know your both just trying to help but it makes peeple laff and I want them to take me seeriously, after all I'm the War President.

Anyway, it's been pretty quiet here recently, Sheerac hasn't been saying anything, boy I'm tired of him opening his yap and crittisizing everything I do, just let him say anthying about them dubya em dees in Iraq that we've stopped looking for, I wanted to send him a cruise missle with Happy New Year writ on it in red white and blue but Donny said we didn't have any to spare, we'll need them all for Iranistan or Sirria or wherever we libberate next. I got reel mad with him, I said I'm the president not you and you should do as I say but he just said yeah right and went off in a huff. Maybe I shouldn'ta kept him on after all.

Anyway Laura says to say hi and the girls send their love, well they would if they was up, they're still in bed and it's 2 in the p of m. Sheesh, time for my nap.


Yours sinseerly,
Your son, George
President of the US of A and Person of the Year 2004