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| News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Ann Widdecombe |
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| You are puzzled to find: Home > News | 15th March |
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 Kilroy quits to form own party in new country19 Jan 2005
Just two days after Robert Kilroy-Silk left UKIP to form a new party with the former interim Conservative leader, Michael Howard, the oft-fragrant former chat show host has quit to form a party of his own. In a medium-length rant (by his standards), which had been naively advertised as a press conference, Mr Kilroy-Silk blamed "irreconcilable differences" with his party colleagues."I am sick to death of the constant in-fighting within this party," he complained, speaking of his discussions with Mr Howard over afternoon tea yesterday. "For the good of this party we must choose the best man for the job of leader – and by that I mean myself, obviously – but because of some frankly immature behaviour we were unable to reach a decision. I therefore have no option but to leave the party immediately." A source close to Mr Howard said that he was devastated by Mr Kilroy-Silk's announcement, as he had genuinely believed that he had found a new friend. "They had some obvious differences, like one is a ghostly white and the other is a ghostly orange, but he always thought they'd get on in the end," she said. "Now he's totally isolated, out on his own and nobody will take him seriously." "I suppose he should be used to that by now," she added, "but at least it shows they have more in common." Meanwhile, in an unusual move, Mr Kilroy-Silk is to take his new party, bat and ball and go make a new home – this time on a former oilrig. The rig, located in the North Sea but thankfully quite far from the British shore, will henceforth be known as the Independent Republic of Kilroy. After the installation of a large amount of television broadcasting equipment, its sole occupant will be Mr Kilroy-Silk. Following initial reluctance, Mr Kilroy-Silk told journalists, he agreed to accept the republic's nomination for the position of president. He will submit himself to re-election quarterly, with no maximum term. Although he has yet to draft a constitution – "and it will be nothing like the European one, that's for sure" – it is thought that his powers will include the ability to ask unnecessarily probing questions of all visitors and himself, the right to sit uncomfortably close to middle-aged women "should any turn up", and the right to execute anyone who comes near him with a bucket of slurry. Late NewsMr Howard has now returned to his party as leader following a brief leadership contest in which nobody better could be found, with the exception of Boris Johnson who had a flat tyre.Related Articles Kilroy-Silk and Howard to unite, form Back and Forth Party 17 Jan 2005
Howard backs plan for Conservative ID card14 Dec 2004
Boris Johnson sacked for failing to properly declare affair17 Nov 2004
Tories arguing again at last1 Nov 2004
Conservative Party apologises for Boris Johnson17 Oct 2004
Doctors tell Tories: We will not resuscitate9 Oct 2004
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