News · Satire · Spoof · Parody · Humour · Menzies Campbell
DeadBrain: Daily news satire, spoof, parody and humour
  You have landed on top of: Home > News4th December 
 

Breaking News: Ellen MacArthur refused entry to UK

Solo around-the-world sailor Ellen MacArthur has been refused entry to Britain under the Government's new immigration policy.

Ms MacArthur sailed her boat B&Q into Falmouth Harbour in Cornwall just before noon today. As she stepped ashore she was arrested by immigration officials and whisked away, leaving the huge crowd that had gathered to welcome her after her record-breaking voyage shocked and bewildered.

Douglas Ramsbottom, an immigration spokesman, told reporters that under the new policy that was announced by Home Secretary Charles Clarke yesterday only skilled immigrants, such as doctors, engineers and IT specialists, would be able to come to Britain without a job offer. He noted that around-the-world solo sailors are not currently in demand in Britain and consequently Ms MacArthur had not gained enough points to be permitted to remain in the country.

A Downing Street spokesman said that the Prime Minister was fully aware of the great public interest in Ms MacArthur's achievement but rejected making a special exemption for her on the grounds that if he did that it would open the floodgates to other around-the-world solo sailors.

Michael Howard, the current interim leader of the Conservative Party, denounced what he called the Government's callousness. He said that contrary to Mr. Blair's contention Britain has an acute shortage of around-the-world solo sailors, and under a Conservative government Ms MacArthur would have been welcomed with open arms - so long as she arrived before their proposed quota had been filled.

All that notwithstanding, DeadBrain congratulates Ms MacArthur on her splendid achievement. Rule Britannia!



Log in to read/write comments on this article

Excuse me, would you mind?

Bookmark | Comment | Print | Send to a friend

 
Copyright ©2001-2008 DeadBrain. All rights reserved violently. Disclaimer | Privacy Policy | Sheep