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  War on Terror

Blair confirmed as toughest on terror

Prime Minister Tony Blair emerged as the toughest on terror following an emergency after-hours session behind the bike shed at Westminster late last night.

Mr Blair and Michael Howard, the current interim leader of the Conservative Party, had agreed to settle their differences outside the House after being unable to do so during the day's often raucous debate on the government's anti-terror bill.

Mr Howard started the proceedings when he accused Mr Blair of refusing to agree to a compromise in order to cause the bill to fail so that he, Blair, could then claim to be the toughest on terror. Mr Blair responded by saying he did not need to prove anything, it was pretty obvious that he was indeed the toughest, so there. Mr Howard riposted by saying he was the toughest on everything, you only had to look at his record as Home Secretary to know that, smarty-pants.

There then followed a heated exchange that was finally ended by the Speaker, who threatened both leaders with detention if they did not sit down and shut up. At that point Mr Howard challenged Mr Blair to step outside and settle it once and for all.

The Prime Minister agreed, saying it was the right thing to do, and both gentlemen left the chamber for the parliamentary bike shed. As the one challenged Mr Blair was given the choice of weapons. He initially selected conkers, but changed to arm-wrestling when it was pointed out that it is not conker season and he did not have the necessary safety goggles.

After a heated battle that saw both parties alternately taking the lead Mr Blair finally forced Mr Howard to the ground and claimed victory. A chastened Mr Howard shuffled off into the shadows muttering something about people not yet having seen the full extent of his dark side.

Meanwhile Charles Kennedy, leader of the Lib Dems, said that he was now prepared to support the bill if the government would agree that those detained or constrained under its provisions would be selected by proportional representation from all terrorist groups. The PM is understood to be giving the suggestion "all the consideration it deserves".

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