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Robert Mugabe returned to power in Zimbabwe
President Robert Mugabe's Zanu-PF party has been returned by a huge landslide in the Zimbabwean election, obtaining 356,780,980 votes, representing approximately 3000% of the nation's population.
115 votes were cast for opposition leader Morgan Tsvangirai's Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) and there were 45 spoiled ballots.
A spokesman for President Mugabe said that those who had voted for the MDC would be identified and eaten. However, in a spirit of generosity in celebration of the victory, those who had spoiled their ballots would only be flogged and then released.
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Oi, down here!
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