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  The Royals

Exclusive: Royal wedding postponed again

The apparently jinxed wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla "Cammy Knickers" Parker Bowles has been postponed yet again, DeadBrain has learned.

Originally scheduled for Friday this week it was put back to Saturday when the pope inconveniently died and it was decided by Vatican authorities to bury him on Friday. But when Clarence House realised that the Grand National is also set for Saturday panic set in, according to insider Douglas Ramsbottom, who spoke to our reporter on condition of anonymity.

"We reckoned that most of the guests, being from the horsey set, would either be at home or at Aintree to watch the race on Saturday," he said. He added that Prince Harry Potter had also said he would not be able to attend on Saturday as he had already accepted an invitation to Chunky Fotheringham-Smythe's party and had bought a bottle of Tesco's best red.

Frantic telephone calls to the organisers of the Grand National failed to convince them to reschedule the race for later in the month, prompting an exasperated Prince Charles to mutter "Bloody people, they're so awful, they really are, I can't bear them" according to Mr Ramsbottom.

It is not known when the wedding might now take place. Mr Ramsbottom said that it is on hold, until at least after the general election. "His Royal Highness, as is very well known, stays strictly out of politics," he said, "and he feels that to have the wedding during the election campaign might give some kind of advantage to that frightful man Blair."

He added that it looked as if the earliest date would now be early summer, but he pointed out that by then the tourists would have started arriving in Windsor and that would make security arrangements more difficult. He also noted that neither the Queen nor Prince Philip is getting any younger. Although they are not intending to be present at the civil ceremony they will attend the religious service and blessing to follow, so time was to some degree of the essence.

"Confidentially," he said, "don't be surprised if Charles and Camilla just slip off quietly somewhere, get hitched, and simply present it as a fait accompli."

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