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| You are lounging next to: Home > News | 19th March |
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 Royal residences to be moved to secret location following latest security breach7 Apr 2005 by Malcolm Drury
Following the most recent most recent breach of security, the royal residences of Buckingham Palace, Windsor Castle, Balmoral Castle, Sandringham House and 23a Acacia Avenue, Bootle, are to be dismantled and rebuilt in a secure compound at a secret location, DeadBrain has learned.The latest latest breach occurred yesterday when alleged journalists from the Sun, an alleged newspaper for the unisyllabic, drove a van containing a box labelled "bomb" close to the Queen's apartments at Windsor Castle. The previous latest breach, also at Windsor, occurred as recently as April 3rd, when two intruders broke into the private area of the residence. There have been several other breaches in recent months, including the gatecrashing of Prince Just William's 21st birthday party in 2003 by a bearded man wearing a dress, and the appearance on a balcony of Buckingham Palace of a man dressed as Batman. There was also an incident last year when another alleged reporter from another alleged newspaper, the Daily Mirror, obtained a job as an assistant-under-under-under servant, fifth class at Buckingham Palace on the basis of false credentials. Superintendent Douglas Ramsbottom of Scotland Yard told reporters that it now seems that a pattern is emerging. "It now seems that a pattern is emerging," he said, "namely that we've been falling asleep on the job." He explained that at first police focussed their attention on people lurking close to the royal residences and wearing fancy dress. However, after a number of instances in which senior members of the royal family were apprehended while dressed up, usually as high-ranking military commanders, a different approach was sought. "It seems these gangs of infiltrators are a lot cleverer than we thought," he said. "The fancy dress seems to be a bit of a decoy. And Prince Philip screamed blue murder after we arrested him late one night. Seems he like to dress up as an admiral and sneak out for a doner kebab." He explained that after having thought about the situation for a while police had decided that the best thing to do was to dismantle and move the royal residences and put them back together in a secret location. He said that a secure location was currently being sought, preferably somewhere with a warm, sunny climate and low taxes. Meanwhile extra police are to be brought in to provide security for the wedding of Prince Charles and Camilla "Cammy Knickers" Parker Bowles on Saturday, or whatever day it finally takes place. "It's going to be nightmare," said Supt. Ramsbottom. "There'll be 750 guests and they'll all be in fancy dress." Related Articles Exclusive: Royal wedding postponed again 5 Apr 2005
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The Wedding: Lord Falconer clarifies clarification24 Feb 2005
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