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| You accidentally discovered: Home > News | 4th December |
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 Blunkett accused in "Camillagate" love-triangle10 Apr 2005 by hra
Barely a day after the semi-royal nuptials, Charles and Camilla are already embroiled in lurid scandal, according to a special report compiled by DeadBrain reporter Greg Mullet whilst posing as a senior Palace security official."The bookies are going to take a bath on this," comments Mullet, explaining that William Hill - for the benefit of punters who, as well as having a flutter on the gee-gees on Saturday, fancied a few quid on the wedding too - were offering odds of 10-1 that as soon as they were married, one or other of the couple would turn out to have been having a long-standing affair with someone else for years. Blunkett, whose predilection for other people's wives is already well-documented, was - according to Palace gossip - utterly irresistible to the dewy-eyed, innocent Camilla. A charismatic Adonis-like figure, a sensitive, imaginative man whose silver-tongued blandishments have charmed the birds from the trees throughout his illustrious career, a tragically-wronged victim in the notorious "Nannygate" affair, Blunkett had by all accounts those of the fairer sex swooning at his feet wherever he went. Camilla was evidently quite bowled over too. Testimony to the couple's passion has leaked out to DeadBrain in the form of a secret letter discreetly dictated on House of Commons stationery. Addressed to a Ms. C. Parker-Bowles, it reads, "Roses are red, violets are blue, I can arrange fast-track visas for you" at which point the author's soaring flight of poetic inspiration evidently ran out. Enclosed with the letter are receipts for a buy-one-get-one-free bunch of Tesco chrysanthemums and a £2.99 box of Milk Tray, 20% off in the post-Easter sale. A reply written in turquoise ink on scented lilac notepaper begins, "My dearest, darlingest sweetheart, my melting heart yearns for you like a gossamer cloud of snow-dappled blossoms wafted through the soft spring air as if by the merest kiss of a lovelorn nymphet bathed in silken tendrils of moonlight..." The letter runs to a further 10 pages of increasingly purple prose. Three elderly romantic novelists are already claiming infringement of copyright. As the news broke on Sunday, Mullet reports that Charles was already in rehearsals for a televised interview, practising saying with a woebegone expression "There are three of us in this marriage, and that doesn't even include the guide dog". The effect was somewhat spoiled when he snapped, still on-camera, "I suppose those bloody people will expect me to say I don't mind, like that other chap, whatsisname, whose wife was up the duff" - referring to a marriage in which a mere three people may well have been a conservative estimate. He then added, "But I should have known something was fishy when one day she suddenly produced some foreign-looking bint in nanny's getup who was banging on about how quickly her blasted visa came through." William Hill are now said to be offering 2:1 on Blunkett breaking his silence and boasting that 57-year-old Camilla is carrying his love-child. Related Articles Britons unite to witness and celebrate a happy event 9 Apr 2005
Royal residences to be moved to secret location following latest security breach7 Apr 2005
Exclusive: Royal wedding postponed again5 Apr 2005
Clarence House issues clarification on Prince Charles's "bloody people"1 Apr 2005
Companies in bidding war over Royal Blessing rights19 Mar 2005
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